Small Spaces

What the fetch?

Facebook (the online social networking utility, not a literal book filled with the pealed faces of serial killer victims) has an application called the "compare people" application. The whole purpose of it is to make people vote between two of their friends, which one is better than the other at something. When I first saw this I thought it was tremendously shallow and refused to add it. In the months that followed, however, my curiosity got the best of me and since I gave up pretending that I don't care what people think of me a long time ago, I decided to give it a try.

After answering a series of questions about my friends, the program finally let me see my results. It ranks you from what you're best at to what you're worst at. I'm not here to talk about what I'm best at, because that's all a bunch of subjective bologna (for the longest time, I was the 1st "Best smelling" person out of my 550 Facebook friends. BEST SMELLING? SERIOUSLY? Who sniffs me?) I'm here to talk about what I scored lowest at. Here is just a smattering:

213th "Better Dancer" (I agree with this)
126th "Smarter"
189th "Funnier"
261st "Most Generous" (what a flippin' low blow)
279th "Rather have dinner with"

Ok, seriously people. Why don't you want to eat with me? Do my eating habits disgust you that much? Is the thought of spending 30 minutes to an hour with me that horrendous? How big of a difference, if any, would it make if I offered to pay?(Note the generosity)
I mean, I could understand if I was a disgusting slob, like that guy on the 60 minutes special about obesity. Look, I'm not going to order two entrees for myself and then try to eat yours as well. I don't require a forklift to exit my home. I won't bring up uncomfortable topics as soon as you put a fork full in your mouth and scratch myself while awaiting your answer. There is no real reason not to eat with me, COME ON!

I'm totally over it.