Nostalgia Pal...
...gia?
I have a lot to look forward to. No, really, I believe that. I know there are places I'm going to see, people I'm going to meet, and (possibly) a family to start of my own - all of which sounds fantabulous, In spite of all of this, I came to a realization today and it didn't exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Many of the moments in my life that I'll remember as my happiest, could have already come and gone.
I could be dead wrong, and I hope I am, but I really think it's true. I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but every once in a while I am hit with a somewhat random, intense bout of what I can only call "nostalgia." It's like one of those crystalizing flashbacks where everything sort of moves in slow motion and you can almost smell, taste, see, and in every other way relive a snippet of your past. It's almost enough to make you want to cue a dramatic swell in music - Lord help me if music ever coincidentally swells up during one of these because I'll think I've lost it.
So, today I'm walking by the library and I walk over this one step that's kind of stained green from the rain runoff. BOOM. I look up and I see the student center - which wasn't there at all when I came here for orientation - and I am almost instantly back in the old Hawk's Nest. I used to go there all the time for supper. I remember the pizza there - it was overpriced but really good. I'd get pizza and sometimes chips and sometimes (because I'm crazy) I'd put balsamic vinegar on my pizza. It was something I only tasted there, only for this brief window of time in my life. If it's possible to get choked up over pizza, I think I almost did. What I wouldn't give sometimes to go back to a random Thursday of my Freshman or Sophomore years. Talk to all of my old friends that I rarely see anymore. Go to those same lame basic studies classes, taste that pizza that I can't even get now.
I remember when I was 18, I kind of knew I was on top of the world. I think I've figured out why it feels so awesome to have just graduated high school. In high school you get progressively cooler the older you get. 18 years old is the climax, then you go to college and begin getting less cool the older you get. All of the sudden your birthday comes and you feel just a teeny tiny bit less excited to have a bigger number. I imagine this just gets more noticeable the more numbers you add. I used to wonder why old people didn't have birthday parties like young people - HA! My Freshman and Sophomore years were wonderful for one major reason - I didn't worry about life. For that period of time I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing, where to be, and I enjoyed it. I enjoy the music I used to listen to in my car, the old janitor man in Schwartz, picking Roach and his rodent friends up from the gas station late at night, walking in the rain from the back parking lot... even the stuff I hated, I love, and that which I loved, I will never forget.
So maybe I'm just a loser that's getting too "old" too fast. I'm 21 for crying out loud! I think it's like this for me because it isn't far enough away yet. One day my true memories will be replaced by placeholder memories, memories of memories. Everyone compartmentalizes to save space in the old noggin'. When that happens I'll remember the things that have been most important to me, but everything else will fall into the fuzzy pink blur that I'll generalize as a positive experience. One day, without thinking, I'll probably lean over to some young whipper-snapper and whisper in their ear,
"You have fun now, ya hear. These are going to be the best days of your life."
For their sake, I hope they don't believe me. I don't want to spoil it for them.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I Smell Crazy in the Air
Poe-dunk
It's brutal honesty time. I just had a Sloanin Holiday. That is a word I made up for a day in which I didn't leave the apartment at all. These days are few and far between. The occasion? Well, I have every Monday off but apparently everyone else was off today too - Martin Luther King Jr., you know. Here is the part were I tell you the really embarrassing details so I can wonder why I told you later.
I woke up at 10. I checked email and ate some eggs that Jefe scrambled. I then read some. I played video games. I got online again. I researched the history of grenades for no good reason. I read a lot more. I wrote up a resume and did some career planning (not really, I just daydreamed about it). Then Jefe made pasta - I ate it. I read some more (this time Edgar Allen Poe for my Romanticism class) and then looked up some info on a possible spring break trip. Somewhere in there I hooked up the internet to my xbox and played Halo online for the first time in months. Most recently I caught up on some internship stuff and now I'm right back in the same exact position I was in at 10 this morning. By same exact I mean EXACT. I didn't go out so, naturally, I didn't take a shower. And since I didn't take a shower, why would I change out of my pajamas, right? So that's the way it's been, one of those days. Thankfully, I've gotten enough done to feel a little productive, but tomorrow comes early so I better get some rest and recover from this brutal day so I can actually freshen up a bit before class in the morning.
Heres to Sloanin Holidays!
It's brutal honesty time. I just had a Sloanin Holiday. That is a word I made up for a day in which I didn't leave the apartment at all. These days are few and far between. The occasion? Well, I have every Monday off but apparently everyone else was off today too - Martin Luther King Jr., you know. Here is the part were I tell you the really embarrassing details so I can wonder why I told you later.
I woke up at 10. I checked email and ate some eggs that Jefe scrambled. I then read some. I played video games. I got online again. I researched the history of grenades for no good reason. I read a lot more. I wrote up a resume and did some career planning (not really, I just daydreamed about it). Then Jefe made pasta - I ate it. I read some more (this time Edgar Allen Poe for my Romanticism class) and then looked up some info on a possible spring break trip. Somewhere in there I hooked up the internet to my xbox and played Halo online for the first time in months. Most recently I caught up on some internship stuff and now I'm right back in the same exact position I was in at 10 this morning. By same exact I mean EXACT. I didn't go out so, naturally, I didn't take a shower. And since I didn't take a shower, why would I change out of my pajamas, right? So that's the way it's been, one of those days. Thankfully, I've gotten enough done to feel a little productive, but tomorrow comes early so I better get some rest and recover from this brutal day so I can actually freshen up a bit before class in the morning.
Heres to Sloanin Holidays!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Sausage. Wrapped in Pancake. On a Stick.
I wonder if they clean the keyboards in the computer lab, ever.
I sat down in here today to waste time before my 12:30 “American Romanticism” class. You may know it better by its street name, “I hate my life 101.” That’s a bit harsh and prejudicial, I haven’t even been there yet, but you can imagine my excitement to find out. So far I’ve had two classes and on Tuesday/Thursday they are all three in a row. My first class, something about ethics in writing – a senior seminar, was over in a hot 30 minutes. My second one, Computer Science 105 (yes, I will finally learn how to use those Interwebs!) was also let out early after just 30 minutes. Five dollars says that my last one – the only one that I could use the early release from – will go the whole hour fifteen.
This keyboard looks really clean. I’m watching the two “lab technicians” right now. They’re chatting quietly, only looking up occasionally to swipe someone’s card and give them a computer. Oops, one of them just left. I used to want to do this. You can beat sitting at a computer, surfing the net and doing homework for 5 hours and getting paid for it. My old roommate, Roach, got a job at the lab in Schwartz before it closed down. Every once in a while I’d stop over to see how he was doing. When it was time to close up they had some sort of ritual that they went through but I was never interested enough to stay and find out what it entailed. Hopefully they really do clean the keyboards. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen people cough, sneeze, and pick their nose and then handle this equipment. I’m not a germaphobe but now that I think about it that’s pretty gross.
My documentary class on Wednesdays is in the recently remodeled Kenan Hall where I took Silent and Modern film classes in the most uncomfortable classroom in the world. I can see the little name on the side of it through the window in front of me. I like what they’ve done with the place since they kicked the theater and fine art hippies out and let us film kids in there. Smells a lot better now, anyway. My one complaint is that the new tables the film department put in are large rolling tables that, quite frankly, get on my last nerve. I have a tendency to put my feet on the rail underneath them and found myself apologizing to the bearded fellow next to me quite a few times for scooting his desk away from him.
I’m going to go ahead and make my way back to Morton so I can get a good seat before all the goody students show up early and take them. Here’s hoping I learn something exciting and new in Romanticism and …oh, who am I kidding? I just hope it’s an easy A.
…aaaand I just sneezed on the keyboard.
(just kidding)
I sat down in here today to waste time before my 12:30 “American Romanticism” class. You may know it better by its street name, “I hate my life 101.” That’s a bit harsh and prejudicial, I haven’t even been there yet, but you can imagine my excitement to find out. So far I’ve had two classes and on Tuesday/Thursday they are all three in a row. My first class, something about ethics in writing – a senior seminar, was over in a hot 30 minutes. My second one, Computer Science 105 (yes, I will finally learn how to use those Interwebs!) was also let out early after just 30 minutes. Five dollars says that my last one – the only one that I could use the early release from – will go the whole hour fifteen.
This keyboard looks really clean. I’m watching the two “lab technicians” right now. They’re chatting quietly, only looking up occasionally to swipe someone’s card and give them a computer. Oops, one of them just left. I used to want to do this. You can beat sitting at a computer, surfing the net and doing homework for 5 hours and getting paid for it. My old roommate, Roach, got a job at the lab in Schwartz before it closed down. Every once in a while I’d stop over to see how he was doing. When it was time to close up they had some sort of ritual that they went through but I was never interested enough to stay and find out what it entailed. Hopefully they really do clean the keyboards. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen people cough, sneeze, and pick their nose and then handle this equipment. I’m not a germaphobe but now that I think about it that’s pretty gross.
My documentary class on Wednesdays is in the recently remodeled Kenan Hall where I took Silent and Modern film classes in the most uncomfortable classroom in the world. I can see the little name on the side of it through the window in front of me. I like what they’ve done with the place since they kicked the theater and fine art hippies out and let us film kids in there. Smells a lot better now, anyway. My one complaint is that the new tables the film department put in are large rolling tables that, quite frankly, get on my last nerve. I have a tendency to put my feet on the rail underneath them and found myself apologizing to the bearded fellow next to me quite a few times for scooting his desk away from him.
I’m going to go ahead and make my way back to Morton so I can get a good seat before all the goody students show up early and take them. Here’s hoping I learn something exciting and new in Romanticism and …oh, who am I kidding? I just hope it’s an easy A.
…aaaand I just sneezed on the keyboard.
(just kidding)
Friday, January 04, 2008
New Yeah!!!
Happy 2008
I just looked over my blog and saw that the entirety of 2007 saw just 32 posts from yours truly. In looking over those posts I couldn't help but notice that my writing over the past few years has lost that little spark that it had when I first started this blog. I was over at my brother-in-law's myspace blog (which I would link you to if he didn't have it privacy protected) and it was cool to see the kind of energy and, well, decent writing that goes into and comes out of a new blog with a new blogger.
Last year I made a few predictions and almost none of them came true. Kind of depressing. You know what else is kind of depressing? Knowing that you're going to graduate in a little over 4 months and not knowing what you're going to do after that. I've always told myself something to the effect of "Oh, don't worry about it Nathan. Something will magically fall into your lap when the time comes." Well, the time has come and my lap is lacking. In light of this, I've compiled a list of "Top Jobs" that I'd love to have right out of college. If you, or anyone you know can get me one of these jobs, please contact me as soon as possible.
Glob-trotting Super-Spy Other spies may globe-trot, but they're doing it for some pansy reason, like for their country or their secret service or something. I'm talking about I want to be a super-spy and just do it because I'm that much of a bad @$$. I mean, I'd be willing to pass my info along to an employer but most of the time you'd just do your stuff freelance. I'd be like the male Carmen San Diego, and people would constantly be asking where in the world I was.
Dunder-Mifflin Associate Salesman If you don't know why I want this job, you just aren't "with it." Down with the BIG BOX PAPER SUPPLIERS!
Rock Star I'm still working on this one. Just wait until about 2011 and I'll have a hot album out. Then people will pour in to see me play live. I'll probably have my own version of Guitar Hero. It'll be called "Guitar Hero: The Sloan Chronicles (Note: no one can actually be as heroic as Nathan Sloan)"
Photo-Journalist I'd go all over the world taking pictures of pandas and other endangered wildlife. Probably take pictures of people getting killed and sharks jumping out of the water and stuff. Then I'd write up articles to go with my amazing photography where I showed how deep and intellectual I was and make other people cry as they realize how meaningless their lives are.
Magazine Guru As a head writer/editor for major magazine(s) I would effectively decide what was popular and what wasn't. Who was cool, and who wasn't. How to live, and how not to. I would have an enormous amount of influence and thus, power - but no one would know my name. I would live a prisoner to my own amazing existance and everywhere I went I would be forced to see people I've influenced walk by me without recognition. Then I would sell the rights to my life story for upwards of $30 million and attend the movie premier at age 35.
Filmmaking Guru Basically the same as above, but I do it with films instead of magazines, everyone knows me and I just keep the rights to my story and direct/star in the film myself.
Whip Braider I want to work alongside the greats like David Morgan (before he dies) and that other guy (I forgot his name, but he learned from david morgan) and continue the legacy of fine whip-crafting. I want to make whips like no-other. One day people would buy my whips as accessories to their outfits because they are so amazing. I am willing to apprentice under someone until I get the hang of it. I am also willing to whip it good.
So there you have it. Thats where I'm and and with that being said, I think I'm going to sign off of now. I wish everyone who happens upon this page a very happy 2008.
The fibers of carpet are like little dust magnets and I'm NOT attracted.
I just looked over my blog and saw that the entirety of 2007 saw just 32 posts from yours truly. In looking over those posts I couldn't help but notice that my writing over the past few years has lost that little spark that it had when I first started this blog. I was over at my brother-in-law's myspace blog (which I would link you to if he didn't have it privacy protected) and it was cool to see the kind of energy and, well, decent writing that goes into and comes out of a new blog with a new blogger.
Last year I made a few predictions and almost none of them came true. Kind of depressing. You know what else is kind of depressing? Knowing that you're going to graduate in a little over 4 months and not knowing what you're going to do after that. I've always told myself something to the effect of "Oh, don't worry about it Nathan. Something will magically fall into your lap when the time comes." Well, the time has come and my lap is lacking. In light of this, I've compiled a list of "Top Jobs" that I'd love to have right out of college. If you, or anyone you know can get me one of these jobs, please contact me as soon as possible.
Glob-trotting Super-Spy Other spies may globe-trot, but they're doing it for some pansy reason, like for their country or their secret service or something. I'm talking about I want to be a super-spy and just do it because I'm that much of a bad @$$. I mean, I'd be willing to pass my info along to an employer but most of the time you'd just do your stuff freelance. I'd be like the male Carmen San Diego, and people would constantly be asking where in the world I was.
Dunder-Mifflin Associate Salesman If you don't know why I want this job, you just aren't "with it." Down with the BIG BOX PAPER SUPPLIERS!
Rock Star I'm still working on this one. Just wait until about 2011 and I'll have a hot album out. Then people will pour in to see me play live. I'll probably have my own version of Guitar Hero. It'll be called "Guitar Hero: The Sloan Chronicles (Note: no one can actually be as heroic as Nathan Sloan)"
Photo-Journalist I'd go all over the world taking pictures of pandas and other endangered wildlife. Probably take pictures of people getting killed and sharks jumping out of the water and stuff. Then I'd write up articles to go with my amazing photography where I showed how deep and intellectual I was and make other people cry as they realize how meaningless their lives are.
Magazine Guru As a head writer/editor for major magazine(s) I would effectively decide what was popular and what wasn't. Who was cool, and who wasn't. How to live, and how not to. I would have an enormous amount of influence and thus, power - but no one would know my name. I would live a prisoner to my own amazing existance and everywhere I went I would be forced to see people I've influenced walk by me without recognition. Then I would sell the rights to my life story for upwards of $30 million and attend the movie premier at age 35.
Filmmaking Guru Basically the same as above, but I do it with films instead of magazines, everyone knows me and I just keep the rights to my story and direct/star in the film myself.
Whip Braider I want to work alongside the greats like David Morgan (before he dies) and that other guy (I forgot his name, but he learned from david morgan) and continue the legacy of fine whip-crafting. I want to make whips like no-other. One day people would buy my whips as accessories to their outfits because they are so amazing. I am willing to apprentice under someone until I get the hang of it. I am also willing to whip it good.
So there you have it. Thats where I'm and and with that being said, I think I'm going to sign off of now. I wish everyone who happens upon this page a very happy 2008.
The fibers of carpet are like little dust magnets and I'm NOT attracted.
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