To Consume and Entire Stick of Butter

Even more notes on growing up...

I meant to write about this earlier but I didn't really get a chance to. I just had one of those little moments that sort of brings something to light, made it real.

Last Tuesday after my final CCF large group (a.c.r.e., there, for Glen's sake I called it acre) we went out to eat at Flaming Amy's, a favorite spot. Soon after I was seated I heard a girl's voice call out to me that didn't sound familiar.

"Hey, I know you."

I looked around and saw a somewhat crazy-looking girl (I think she would approve of me describing her that way) walk toward me from a few tables over.

"We worked at Caswell together," she said.

"Oh, yeah! Brittany?" I answered.

"No, Shannon."

"Oh, yeah, sorry. How have you been?" I asked, as she leaned down to give me a hug.

She then told me about where she worked and what she had been doing. I remembered her from when we worked together in the summer of 2003, but it had been so long and she had changed so much. Her hair was crazy, but very cool - with exaggerated 1940's curls in front. She apparently had a large blue tattoo across her chest and more piercings than you could shake a stick at. "How times change," I thought.

"Oh, I don't really believe the same things that I believed back then," she said, "But I still have really fond memories of that place. It was really special to me. "

I took this to mean, of course, that she didn't consider herself a Christian. The only time that I had heard of her since we worked at the camp was when one of my other friends told me she had met her at work and they randomly made the connection that they both knew me. She told me that Shannon had opened up and told her that her attitude toward Christianity had changed a lot over the years.

I was still caught off guard by the whole run-in, so I just sort of let her talk and hug me in random intervals. The whole time she went on, however, my mind was buzzing. What got me the most was just how long ago it was that we had worked together. Here was this girl, totally transformed from the one that I knew as a staffer at Christian camp, and her story of where she'd been just exaggerated how much can happen in five years. After 2 or 3 minutes of riminiscing on what she probably assumed was a long-gone memory for me as well, I let it slip:

"Yeah, I'm actually going back there to work this summer," I said, "Pretty crazy, huh?"

She just stopped for a split second, her eyes wide.

"Yeah, wow, that's cool." she said.

We chatted for another couple of seconds and then she walked out, wishing me well. My burrito came and I ate it like a champ. It was spicy chicken and I have to say, it was quite delicious, but on the way back it wasn't the burrito that lingered with me, as one might expect, it was thoughts of Caswell.

Caswell has been a part of my life for a really, really long time. This is something that is usually a one summer thing for people, if that. A few people stick around for two summers, and even fewer, three. There are the hard-core kids that have been there for four or five, but now I feel like I've reached some sort of threshold at my sixth summer. No longer am I within the reasonable bounds for enjoying the camp experience, there is something in me that draws me back and it's not all that normal.

Before I even go back into this summer, I've decided that I'm going to be doing a few things differently. First of all, I'm saying what I've only hinted at in summers past, I'm openly referring to it as my last summer. I never thought I would make it this far, but now that I have, it's time to really let people, (and more importantly, myself) know that I'm done in 2008. I'm not at all embarrassed to have worked at camp for six summers, it's not like I'm ashamed at my age. I know some people who don't start at Caswell until they're 22, so I think it's more of a issue of worrying that there's something else out there I should be doing, or that I'm taking a position that they could be giving to a new staffer. I don't feel that way about this coming summer, but I know that now is the time for me to move on.

It's also going to be different because this time around I'm going to be moving on from Caswell into a very different situation than in years past, school will be over for me and I don't have a job lined up - per say. I know that I should be spending a good deal of my free time this summer looking for jobs, especially if I want to stay in Wilmington, so that's going to be a priority. In any case, I can't think of a better place to be when you're trying to figure out what to do with your life than being surrounded by people who love God and will pray for you. I'm surprised at how comfortable I am with the fact that I have no clue where I'll be or what I'll be doing in 4 months.

The final thing that I want to accomplish this summer, is to get the whole experience down on paper. I know this is it, and I don't want to forget about it in 10 years. I'm going to try to write up a couple of pages a day, pulling from the past and capture special insights from the present as they come to me. Hopefully it'll turn into something that other people can enjoy reading as much as I could, but the main thing is to preserve it for later inspiration.

...

Tonight is the night of Nathanpalooza. The CCF folks have put together a big grad night thing for the graduating members, just like always. Only, not just like always, I'm the only graduating senior this year. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't uncomfortable with the idea of being the center of attention, but I think it speaks volumes about the character of this group that they'd go all out for just one person in the same way they did for 11 people last year. They're a good bunch and I really appreciate them.

Two weeks from today I'll be walking across the stage and on to greener pastures, which begs the question.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO WILMINGSLOAN?

Well, it's the end of an era, and the thus the end of my blogging at this address. I'm going to have some grand, final send-off posts in the next few days, probably more than anyone will ever get around to reading, but they'll be good for me. Time will tell where things go from here.

To my friends, wherever ye be, I love thee all!