Lamest. Thing. Ever.
This weekend I had planned on doing one of the coolest things ever. What is that cool thing you might ask? Why I was going to see Batman Begins, which I've heard is the finest of the Batman films. My bat-fan friend Matt happened to enjoy it so much that he saw it three times opening day. Sad isn't it? Unfortunately fate, it seems, has decided to fall in suite with it's normal decisions for me and shoot my dream of happiness into tiny bits of poo. I just found out that on lovely Saturday, the staff will be forced, like lambs to the slaughter, to go to a shagging party.
Now ask most any girl on staff how she feels about this lovely event and she will surely tell you how much she's looking forward to it. Sadly the same cannot be said for most of the males.
To me there is no redeeming quality to the little jig. I suppose it's great for those that can do it eloquently but as for the rest of us we end up looking like 80 year olds shuffling around like broken records. It's like the person that invented the dance intentionally made it to facilitate tripping on stuff.
In addition to it making us lookso stupid, what about the music that you use to dance to it? It's all dated stuff with simple beats and usually mindlessly simplistic and shallow lyrics! There isn't a moment of my life when I'm listening to "I love Beach Music" or "Carolina Girls" that I don't wish there was a fiery comet, screaming towards Earth to bring me sweet relief.
I'd estimate 79% of all shagging takes place between two girls. I also have a theory as to why. I don't think most males can stomach the dance for more than 30 seconds. After that, whatever they ate that day would come up all over the girl. For those males that can do the dance, though I don't understand you, I salute you. You are brave men that see the huge gaping opportunity to meet and mingle with the seemingly endless amounts of girls looking for a shag partner. If you can tame your stomach that well, you deserve whatever you get from dancing with them. GOOD LUCK!
So, who wants to know how I really feel about shagging?
HA!
Anyway, yeah, I have to give up Batman to watch, and possibly (though I dare breath it aloud) be forced to dance with some girl possessed by the shagging devil. I never knew my life would come to this, this shame. Maybe somewhere deep down, the dark knight will find it in his heart to forgive me.
When life throws you lemons, put a grenade in them, pull the pin, and throw it back at life! Tee Hee heeeee
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4 comments:
Don't worry, Nathan. I've already seen "Batman Begins" and, let me tell you that once you've seen it, it'll more than make up for your weekend of HORROR! Hey, if you're bored, you could always come back to Jump Cut! :-)
DUDE!
You had me worried there for a second. You sounded lie you didn't want to go to a shagging party... until I found out shagging was a dance!
Over here, its a term for casual sex!
BRILLIANT!
Consider yourself LINKED.
GREAT Blog!
Nathan,I know that you are a boy and that you can't dance and you don't understand it, but for the rest of us who do like to dance and understand it, it can be tons of fun. You are just raining on our parade, besides look at it as you can have fun entertaining ladies this weekend and will still have something left to do next weekend! Amelia
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