Rollo Please

Read this first, it's short.
WECT.com - Wilmington, NC news and weather - Wilmington Police Roll into the Future

I'm not even going to make a joke about the how they forgot to make "suspect" plural in the third sentence. In fact, what can I do with this story? I mean, seriously, this is a joke on it's own. We have a police officer, giddy over how sneaky he is in his Segway scooter.

"This morning, I had it out for the first time, and I was on the boardwalk, and there were two gentlemen on the boardwalk with open containers. And it's just so quiet and stealthy and I rolled up on them. They didn't expect it, they didn't even know I was there," said officer Scott Holzberger. "They were completely surprised."

May I just take this opportunity to say THANK GOODNESS for the stealthiness of that Segway. Had the officer not surprised the gentlemen, they wouldn't have comically spewed their alcohol all over the boardwalk when he silently appeared just over their shoulders. I don't know, officer, something tells me sneaking up on people who are getting liquored up might just be asking to get a punch in the face.

"Excuse me si...WHAP!"

Now crime will have to answer to the long belly of the law as overweight officers zip around on their Segways downtown. I can see the new Wilmington Police Force photos now, with the patrol cars, Sheriff's deputies, Wilmington's famous mounted officers, and ... the fat guy on the Segway. BUT IF HE'S WEARING SUNGLASSES, HE'S STILL BAD A**, make no mistake!
I feel safer all ready.

Who wants a chocolate cast of my face for Valentine's Day?