The Secret to Good Drug Trafficking

Study is a hard thing. The library is a hard thing. Being done, is an easy thing.

The other day I was in the library when one of my study buddies (doing a great job of avoiding actual work) commented that the proper name for a group of ferrets was a "business of ferrets." I began laughing...then paused. The following story is what followed.

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20 ferrets are bounding around an upper floor in an almost to scale board room. They all have on little business suits and are tossing around a multi-colored ball. Imagine, if you will, a chirping of glee arising from the group as they play. Suddenly the double door at the back of the room swings open with force and a ferret in a feather-gray suit walks in, standing upright. The other ferrets drop what they are doing and scramble next to their seats.

"Good morning gentleferrets," says the Boss ferret in the gray suit, "I'm keen to get this meeting started. Let us begin."

They all sit down.

"Mr. Boots, if you would, please inform the others of our fiscal standings this quarter," says the boss.

"Certainly sir!" says Mr. Boots, "As you can see, earnings on cedar chips have declined by 5% in the last three months. Also, earnings in rolly balls have gone down ..."

"That'll be enough, Mr. Boots. Please, have a seat."

He takes a hard look around the room. The other ferrets pull at their fur and stare at the table.

"Well, it looks like we're heading in the wrong direction, doesn't it gentleferrets? Mr. Tinker, what is your take on this trend?"

Tinker’s fur stands on end.

"Err, uhh, sir, well, you see sir, err." says Mr. Tinker, his eyes dart around the room - desperately seeking help, 'Err, perhaps, err, we could consolidate shipping expenses, err, uhh, cut some costs in..."

"You have no idea do you, Mr. Tinker?"

"Err, not exactly sir, no, sir, but I'm looking into it and.."

"You're fired Mr. Tinker. If you would please have your office cleared by this afternoon. Thank you," says the boss.

They wait for Mr. Tinker to scurry out of the room, then the boss addresses them again.

"This is a business of FERRETS, for the love of Pete! Let's start TREATING it as such!" he says, "Now, how about you, Mr. Biskitt?"

"Well, sir, to be honest I think the fall is due to the new hypo-allergenic brands of cedar chips now available through our competitors at Hedgehog," says Mr. Biskitt, "Standard cedar is losing revenue to the new stuff at a steady rate of .15% every week. If you ask me, I think we need to reorganize the cedar department and develop a special chemical coating of our own."

"Yes...yes, you're absolutely right, Mr. Biskitt! Why don't all of you take a few notes when Mr. Biskitt is talking, he could teach you a thing or two about thinking on your feet," says the boss, "Mr. Snugglesby, I want you to get a write up of this down to the cedar department by 3 O'clock. This meeting is adjourned!"

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And so goes another evening at the library.

Danger is a four-letter word - well, probably in some language...