My New Wooden Liver

Have you gone out of business yet?

Hello hello! My, how good it is to talk once more to all of my adoring fan, as well as to the rest of you that are forced to visit due to an otherwise total lack of brain activity! There are several cups out there that you all could be successfully drooling in but I'm honored to have you drooling on your keyboards for the sake of this blog instead. I'm fast becoming the #1 way to totally waste 5 minutes of you life every day. In accordance with this growth I've taken in upon myself to spruce things here up a bit with a newly designed title banner. For the next short while it'll be decorated with the face of my beloved sister Melissa totally "rocking" hardcore. I hope someone out there enjoys this image as much as I do.

Refusing to stop at my title banner, Melissa is also the inspiration for tonight's blog topic which focuses on retail clothing company "Big Dogs." Before I begin my post I'd like to make a safety statement to all those reading. I, myself, own a Big Dogs shirt. That being said, let the harshness commence.

For almost ten years we've all, (or at least those of us in North Carolina), been plagued with ridiculously tacky shirts featuring everyone's favorite St. Bernards doing various humorous deeds and spoofing just about every popular movie, musician, ect. The shirts, while mildly amusing at times, are ultimately an undeniable festering pimple stain on the face of humanity. It would seem that at some point, a single or collective "creative genius" decided that it would be really cool to make a large dog do several things you would normally see a human do and market it as a brand. I don't know about you guys but when I dream of ideas for success in a market like retail clothing brands, a cartoon St. Bernard in a jersey dunking a basketball isn't anywhere near what comes to mind. So, like, is the whole joke is that the Dogs are doing things that people normally do? Wait! Is it a joke or am I confused? If it is, is it an inside joke? If it isn't a joke what could possibly be running through these people's minds? What kind of mindless idiots create a brand that is so completely and totally pointless and expect it to be successful?
Oh but wait just a second...
That is the wrong question to ask.
These people are really brilliant after all.
The question to ask is this.
What mindless idiots are buying this stuff? Because obviously the company is successful.
How did this ever get popular?
Why are they still open?
Nothing makes sense!!!! I mean nothing! For Pete's sake I have one and I can't for the life of me explain why. The only conclusion I can draw is that somehow a few shirts got out and people just started buying them and no one ever stopped to ask why. Pretty soon it was big enough to get people to buy it regardless because the only reason they needed was that all the other clueless consumers were purchasing it. It's like the computer virus of the clothing world. It corrupts the system and lowers the quality of life for everyone but, sadly, you can only control it....you can't eliminate it. Lately I've seen fewer and fewer proud people sporting a Big Dogs shirt but by some baffling act of mathematics or weiiiird science it manages to keep it's head above water and it's retail outlets stocked and running.
I'm not asking that you throw your Big Dogs shirts out or that you never go there again. All I ask is that the next time you're struck with sudden urge to shop there, simply ask yourself why. If you just ask why and think really hard about it, I'm sure we'll reach a reasonable conclusion at some point in the future.

((BigDogs fanboys, please direct all hate mail to link5001@aol.com))

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