Peanuts anyone?
In my roommate's infinitely successful campaign to inconvenience and annoy me there have arisen two new instruments of evil. Before I explain them any further I feel I should give a little back story as to my roomie's current condition. I have never seen anyone that eats as much as Roach. I say this having seen both the chinese kid that packs away 40+ hot dogs and Michael Moore. Once at Wag he had a plate of chicken nuggets and the guys at the table really thought is was a serving plate...there had to be 40 on there. He ate them all, and two roasted chicken breasts.
Imagine his shock when he ran out of meals at Wag a week ago. After threatening to call the dean and state simply "What the ___k?" on her answering machine he came to the sad realization that he had just eaten all of his meals in record time. As of late he's taken up spear fishing. Sounds kind of cool right? He snorkels around in the water and shoots fish with a huge spear gun. I am still perplexed as to how he gets in and out of the dorm and campus with a 5 foot long, fully lethal spear gun, no questions asked. Anyway he took this up for fun. Now he's taking it up for living. Swearing to live off the land (and sea) for the remainder of the semester he has stated his intent to kill, filet, and bake his own dinner in order to survive. If anyone else had suggested this I would chuckle and carry on, but sadly I know that my fridge will be filled with fish corpses from now until december.
With the remainder of his money he purchased a bag of frozen pop corn chicken and what might possibly be Planter's "Silo" sized container of Dry Roasted Honey Roasted Peanuts, (which apparently taste better when you're drunk). Long story short I wake up Friday night to the sounds of a rustling bag of chicken and the blaring loud beeps of the microwave and again Saturday night around the same time to a wandering drunk hall mate who was close range screaming an inquiry as to if he could have some peanuts. PETE'S SAKE! Given the sheer volume of peanuts in that container I don't see why you would even ask. You could take cup fulls and no one would be any the wiser! It's like the holo foodmaker thingys on Star Trek. They never run out. Just keep taking peanuts!
No random comment but I will link you all to family operated sister-blog where you'll find slightly wittier content and possibly fresh napkins. Nathan proudly links my cousin David's blog... http:// meamdavid.blogspot.com
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4 comments:
Sloan,
Your blog entries are quite entertaining, but just a bit of advice, being verbose is never a good thing. Just say want you want to say and only every now and then add the quirky commentary; but aside from this fact, you are a very talented writer and i enjoy your entries!
Thanks for the link. Your situation is classic college, but with a nouveau twist that just might bring about the long-awaited revival of the late eighties "psychotic roommate" craze that swept campuses across the nation. If this doesn't make sense, spin thrice in your chair and have a couple cups of peanuts.
And forget anonymous. Your verbosity is appreciated by those with the intellectual bandwith to process the power packed profundity of your mental meanderings.
nononono...i like the quirky comments they make me chuckle. that other person is smokin crack
Without a "blog" of my own, I find that I must post under the somewhat cowardly caption of "Anonymous" so instead of giving in to the temptation to trash you up one side and down the other from here 'til next tuesday (and boy do i have the material for it), I'll just get right down to it. Melissa (the Original "Sloan") here, and I'd like to throw in my two cents and say great job on the "life and times" commentary. It's entertaining, witty, mildly intelligent, and stays crunchy in milk. Keep up the good work. ....and write me an email, punk!
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