Farewell 2006

I would have written this earlier but my new year was jam-packed with stuff and I haven't had a chance to sit down and think about it all until just now. On the 30 I went down to Shallotte to see my good friends Jacob and Vickery get married. It was a beautiful ceremony and I'm grateful to have been invited because it really helped me look at love anew again, something that I've needed. We get so caught up in our dating relationships (or lack thereof) that we forget what the end product is supposed to look like. Two people, without fear in their hearts or doubt in their minds, becoming one person under God. I hope there are many happy years to come for Jacob and Vickery and I certainly look forward to their moving to the Wilmington area this fall.

After the wedding Curtis McLamb was kind enough to come back to Wilmington with me and spend the night at my apartment so that I wouldn't have to stay there alone. Curtis is a fine person and a devoted Christian man. I'm glad I finally got to know him a little better this weekend and I can't wait to see what's in store for him when he gets out of seminary.

Sunday was the start of Caswell Staff reunion for me. I came in at the tail end of a youth conference they were having and got to see a surprising number of my friends earlier than I thought. I always expect very little of summer staff reunions and I'm always very surprised by how special they end up being to me. This year's was especially fun. I'm so glad to have spent time with everyone and to have had a reminder of what life is about for us.

Now I'm leaving. Well, I just left. This post is coming to you from transition. On my way back to Four Oaks I made a stop at my apartment in Wilmington again. I was in the mood so I thought this would be a good time to do my typical year in review "reflective" post. I'm afraid it won't be as extravagant or neatly arranged as the ones of the past two years, but hopefully it'll serve it's purpose. Quite frankly, 2006 wasn't extravagant or neatly arranged either. I tried to arrange it, perhaps that was the problem. In any case I have something to celebrate as the big 7 takes over. Growth of character.

Now I'm not one to sit around and congratulate myself on being a "man of character" and, in fact, I have no idea how close I am to being one. I just know that I've acquired a little more than what I had. This year started out without a bang. Last holiday season was probably the least magical feeling of any I've experienced. It came and went and was over. That was the big sendoff into 2006.

In April, on my 20th birthday, my childhood canine companion, Bandit, died. It was something that I knew was coming but it still broke my heart. In May I got out with good grades but little celebration, time was just passing. Nothing got better in my life, nothing got worse. I was just there...and then I went back to Caswell for my 4th summer. I did what I said I'd never do when I started on Oak Island, I did the same job for the second year in a row. It was very unfortunate for me because I felt that I didn't get as much out of the experience as I had in previous years, and I don't feel I gave as much back either. I spent the summer with my mind wandering and in semi-isolation from other staffers due to my odd hours. I love Caswell but I didn't have my heart in it like I should have this past summer.

In August I had a hard, hard time followed by an unbelievably hard time. Most people know this, and I'm certainly not going to go into detail on a situation that has already claimed more time than it should have from myself and those who helped me through it. Little Nathan got a case of the broken hearts. In hindsight, I'm embarrassed and ashamed of how I handled the situation with my friends and especially with her. All I can do is chalk it up to inexperience with being in love and, subsequently, with having to fall out of it. Coming into college I had almost no experience with matters of the heart and I guess now I can finally know how losing the first real relationship must be difficult for a lot of people. To close this out, I'd just like to both thank and apologize to everyone I've gone to for help. I know many of you don't mind talking to people in distress and for that I am forever indebted to you and will pass on the kindness to others in need. To God I am even more so grateful because He has allowed me to grow so much through this. To Caroline, if you ever read this, I'd like to thank you for having the courage to do what was right and put up with my fits and delusions afterwards.

September through November were awash with odd trips and awkward adjustment to and acceptance of the single life. I don't even really remember many things from that time, only a bitter feeling that part of me wants to forget and the other part wants to treasure. There is joy to be found in any personal tragedy if you look hard enough, of this I'm certain. As time goes by I know I'll look back on this and giggle like a small rodent.

Looking to the future I'd like to take my mind of myself for a while. I want to focus on film projects and jobs and serving Christ and forget about whatever situation I happen to be in. Only time will tell my success, I suppose. The good news is that my serious post is over for the year and from here on out I can start writing about dumb stuff again! I love you all and wish you the best!

God bless 2007