Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Devil's Food Cake vs. Angel's Food Cake!


Dino Pillow
Originally uploaded by link5001.

A world of Poo...

Ah! Public restrooms. You may try hard to avoid them but sooner or later they're going to catch up with you. I really don't know why I'm writing this short post on bathrooms, other than perhaps it's because I have to use one every single day. Now, what exactly do I have to say about them? Not much, just that I've isolated 5 things that ALL public restrooms must have to be inducted into the Union of Public Restrooms...a fictitious organization that, while not real...could exist.

ADMISSION REQUIREMENTS:

5. Obnoxius fan and/or air freshening system.
In the dark ages, public restrooms used to be known for their unbearable stench. While in many, this is still the case, most have implemented some form of air alleviation. Usually a fan that's conveniently just loud and rattly enough to mask your escaping gas. In Schwartz's case, we have a little spritzy air spray that goes of just in time to scare the crap out of you...which is a good thing in some instances.

4. Horrible/No Mirror
The mirror may be riddled with some strange brown dots...it may be mounted too low, too high, or on the wrong wall entirely. Heck there can even not be a mirror at all!

3. At Least One Dysfunctional Toilet
You know, broken toilet seat...never ending flush...no flush at all...just general crappyness of a toilet. In extreme circumstances, a prefect functioning toilet that looks absolutely hideous will be considered.

2. Stall With Token Swastica
Maybe there aren't that many Nazis left in the world, I hope not, but somewhere in the rest room (preferably a stall wall or door) there needs to be a crudely marked swastika.

1. Resident Stall Door Gremlin
This little gremlin is necessary to come in and break any stall door latches that happen to be in proper operating order.

There you have it. Make sure your public restroom meets these requirements and it's in!

Mineral water is pure garbage.

2 comments:

Jacob said...

You forgot the mechanical bird that comes out of the bowl and tries to eat your weenie! I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

Jacob said...

I forgot that I had already left a comment on here, but I wanted to say that when I was a young lad I had that same dinosaur pillow except mine was dirty and had blood stains all over it. I had nosebleeds alot and rarely bathed when I was a child. Mmmmm doesn't that imagery make you want to eat a hoagie! Mmmmmm dirty haogie. Later.