Get Me a Milk Shake Lieutenant...On the DOUBLE!

Four Oaks
Originally uploaded by link5001.

Homeward Bound...

The home stretch! All I have left to do is write a little paper and study for 3 exams! Doesn't sound like much but somehow it will overwhelm me and I'll be reduced to an organ grinder's monkey companion by midweek. That's kind of exciting... So when is my last day?? I'll be saddled up and heading west on December 9th. That's a week from Thursday if dates make you angry.

Here, for all to see, is the beloved water tower standing guard over quiet, beautiful Four Oaks. A true sight to behold in person. In this post I'll talk about stuff I'm going to resort to in order to keep from dying of boredom this break. Some are more likely to occur than other.
-Build random furniture with my dad
-Play an insane amount of xbox
-clean out my childhood toy closet
-clean out my childhood skeleton clo..hey wait!
-VASTLY improve my blog
-get some of my work up on dangerpenguin.com
-dance with the devil in the pale moonlight
-buy some gifts..dang it...
-get some gifts...YAY!
-hang out with my caswell folks at reunion. Holla!
-perform some regular bike maintenance
-make sure the plans get to Alderan
-pet my dog, bandit
-help out with dad's new office (pending miracle)

So now that i've made all of your winters seem bland and meaningless I think I'll run away snickering!

If you find an envelope full of white powder be sure to sniff it REAL good. That's how you tell if it's anthrax or not...

His Head Exploded; Where Did You Put the Oreck?

we all have our vice...

Sloan family thanksgiving was yesterday. Yaaaaay! I got to see all those family people again you know. The food was...well...typical Sloan family food. Lots of baked things with green stuff in them. I ate a good bit of it and it was tasty...what I ate was, I mean. I also finally got to challenge my cousin stephen in some good old slayer on Halo 2 for the first time. After totally destroying him in, like, 10 games (he beat me once) I looked at the old watch and saw that it was time for me to be heading out to the Dub. Not before involuntarily packing a bag of ham dad threw at me on the way out the door though! Ahhh special times.

I hate the interstate

Once I got back I had a LOVELY evening with Caroline and found myself staring at the computer for a good while later last night into this morning. Then it hit me like a North Atlantic Sea Gorilla in a motorcycle sidecar going 50 miles an hour with a helmet on! I needed capri sun!!! See, for those of you who haven't had it lately, capri sun is the most delicious beverage on the market today, HANDS DOWN. If you believe there is a better beverage of some other variety, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that compared to capri sun your beverage of choice is rancid bird bath water. It's true.
Ok so I'm hit with this need for capri sun at 1:15 in the morning. After putting the thought that I'm an idiot in the back of my head I decided to try and make it back before 2 am. Wilmington, home of the worst traffic in North Caroline, is deader than Four Oaks at 1:30 AM. It was nice. So I got to walmart(bleigh) and went straight to the juice isle. there I got a little insane and decided to carry more juice than I could hold. The juice box on top slid off and popped on the floor sending precious ounces of bleeding capri sun everywhere. Words can't fully express my sadness in seeing it go, but I had a schedule to keep so to the register and back home it was. I downed 3 of those bad boys when i got back but...man they were awesome. Strawberry Kiwi...mmmm mmm delicious! Now i have to write a paper...dang it....

Hey kids! Don't forget to make your parents buy you the new Michael Moore Action Figure! With 5 flannel shirts, 3 random hats, and 10 different annoying phrases he's sure to be the nightmare your parents never imagined this Christmas!

(CORRECTION) Stephen said we played like, 2 games and we each won one of them...yeah ok, allegedly we played two games...

Dynamically Posable!!!

Turkey spelled backwards is yekrut. That sounds like something from the netherlands...

Another year and another ThanksGiving! Sadly, as we all well know, Turkey Day is little more than a grand send off to the Christmas shopping season. No one really cares about thanksgiving. It's that holiday your obligated to celebrate because your family thinks its "special" time but in reality the only good thing that could come of it is some tasty food. Hold your tater tots there! That isn't my view on thanksgiving, it's just the way I see most people celebrating it now. The total evil mutation of Christmas has swallowed Thanksgiving alive! It's now not only that people have forgotten the meaning of Christmas but now it's destroyed the meaning of Thanksgiving as well.

Now it is time for me to hate on Jimmy Kimmel...

Late Night Television! A wonderful world of laughs and fun. David Letterman's witty, strange, and dry humor has kept audiences laughing for decades. Likewise classic bits like "headlines" have helped the stand up mad man Jay Leno lead the way in the ratings. Then you have Conan O'Brian...hilarious. For a while there was Craig Kilborn but we'll just pretend he never happened. That is what audiences did for years anyway. Then ABC felt the urge to urinate an undeniable stinking stain of death onto the air waves every weeknight. One so horrendously awful that I can smell it still at midday. Jimmy Kimmel Live.

I know I've used this phrase on many occasions before but only on ones that are really deserving of it. This is one of those situations. Jimmy Kimmel has found a way to defy the very LAWS of physics by both sucking and blowing at the same time. The guy just ISN'T funny no matter how you slice it. He's a trash face scum bag that somehow sold himself into TV in that oh so wonderful series The Man Show. THE FRIGGIN MAN SHOW! That's right. Somehow a host of the potty humor show that had one joke, women, which got OLD, was able to seduce someone at ABC and make them think he was material for Late Night. If he's material for late night the I'm material for "traditional asian spirit dancer!" Every time I've had the misfortune of seeing his show I have never laughed but rather been offended by his lack of good humor or his horrid leftist slant. Lefties out there, don't hate me...I'm not a conservative either but taking it to EITHER extreme ticks me off like "woah." So I'm watching him last night and he says he likes Thanksgiving because it's not a religious holiday. Religious holidays pull us apart, he doesn't like them. It's a day when we can all sit together and give thanks. Ok Mr. "Cool Guy".... thanks to WHAT? oh ...thanks mom...for...uh having me. You think that's what the pilgrims were thankful for the first thanksgiving? I'm pretty sure the pilgrims were thankful to God for bringing them across the ocean. I mean after all they were PILGRIMS!
Pilgrim(n):
1:A religious devotee who journeys to a shrine or sacred place.
2:One who embarks on a quest for something conceived of as sacred.
Pilgrim buddy...these guys were Christian. Sure they had some native friends there but I don't think they all agreed to be thankful to just...uh...well...something. Pretty sure the pilgrims were thankful to God.
Listen if religion isn't your thing then FINE but don't dog it on national television in an attempt to be humorous. Even with all the religion stuff aside JK is a stinking bag of flowering poo sporing lameness. Do yourself a favor and watch JKL and ask yourself... "Is this lame?" A resounding yes will boom from every center of your brain and you too will know just how unfunny Jimmy Kimmel is. oh...its past the eleven O'clock hour...Jimmy Kimmel will be on soon. I think I'll go watch my dog scratch at the floor as this is a much more humorous sight. (sigh) don't forget that deep down inside...I still love everyone....

That aside I believe its time for me to go home and eat some leftovers. But what if leftovers got really pissy about the earlier meal and totally came to life and ate the people. That would be trippy....just think about that man...

A Post Entirly Devoted to Kelsy Grammer

caswell04
Originally uploaded by link5001.

In an attempt to add to the images on this page I added another hideous picture of my own face. This one is a little interesting though. Check out the camper on the right of the frame. If you're thinking "what the crap?" you are correct! Thats what should be running through your head when you look at any number of campers down at Caswell. I also think I look like I'm about to sneeze or I kinda look like Anakin from Episode II. Hopefully I'll be totally evil cool like he is going to be in Ep. III as well.

On to the next topic...let me see here, oh I just remembered! There is no topic! I'm about to leave the beautiful Wilmington in about an hour or so for home....where I will spend Thanksgiving break drooling on my pillow until 1PM and stuffing my face with all assortments of food and leftovers. You know how it is.

If we all pull together, we can probably shake and bake our way out of this cave. ONE....TWO ....

Sailing in a Gravy Boat

So you're going to pay with pennies? Oh ok, ((THWACK!))

Let me start by sending a big 'ol shout out to my man Jeffery Share-Ron who, I'm told, reads my blog in his spare time though I never referred him to it. +100 cool points! Keep it up and you'll win the DELUX Cat-in-a-Freezer 2005 edition! (wilmingsloan exclusive)

To everyone else, don't despair! Your day will come...but in the mean time you can feed your starving boredom with my writings! Like this one where I talk about how pennies...AND nickels annoy me. Pennies are like mall security officers. Everywhere you turn there is a FRAPPIN' mall security guard! You'd think the President was browsing The Gap or something because I swear they're everywhere. Once I even saw them on the roof. SNIPER ON THE ROOF..oh...wait never mind. Just mall security reading another coupon pamphlet. Yeah ...you always have all these mall security guys around but then the one in a million times you need that ONE security guy, aka watching your tires getting slashed in the parking lot, you look for them and see their annoying blinky golf cart flying in the opposite direction. Guess it's too important to stop that "running" kid coming out of Hot Topic.
Likewise pennies really annoy me. I have no idea where they come from. I know I don't intentionally keep them but it seems they spawn in my pocket or on my dresser. With there little mocking Lincoln faces they say, "Hey Nathan, what’s up? Hey man you going to eat all those cheetos. AWESOME! Let me hit up some of the poofys man!" I just hate pennies. Then, as if a hallucinogenic midget cast his mighty spell, as soon as I reach a total of $21.76 they all seem to have vanished! The quarters clocked in for work like they were supposed to but did the STINKING penny?
Thats when you go for the nickel, which is like an airline ticket checker. It's going to help you out but it's going to piss you off a little bit first. You searh your pocket once...twice...the other. Nothing! Then it's in that one pocket you never really use and after frisking yourself for 3 minutes while Lurch makes groaning noises behind you Mr. Nickel pulls his lazy head out of his trailer and does his job.
Thaaaaaaaaaks! Small change=Big Headaches!

I can seem to get past level 17 on Tetris. Stupid hypnotic Russian music! Dooo dee dee doo doo doo dee dee doo doo dee dooo

The Opposite of Awesome

I selected orange juice...mmm, yes. That was an intelligent selection was it not?

Strange twist of events led me to crawl out of bed at 7 this morning rather than my usual 7:30 for PE. The occasion? Breakfast at Wag. You see, it's been nearly one semester here at the Dub and I have yet to eat a breakfast meal. Mostly because, well, I sleep until lunch whenever possible. Also because I've grown to be totally indifferent to Wag's menu. I decided that against my better judgment, it was time to give it a try.

I must say that it was nice...aside from the fact that my waffle tasted like unsalted Zesta (r) Brand crackers. There is pretty much no one in there and and empty Wag is a RARE (and pretty) sight.

Oh wait, on a side note I missed Wag's Thanksgiving Dinner last night which cheeses me off because apparently that is the best meal served in Wag all year! ok back to where I left off...

...Wag is a RARE (and pretty) sight. The most interesting discovery had nothing to do with the breakfast meal however. I found out that in the mornings, when put into a small group of people, I'm totally stupid. You know...mouth hanging open drooling zombie boy only, HEY! This one talks! Boy do I ever. I'm not even sure what I was saying. Maybe it was just the absence of anyone else talking that made me sound like Heraldo on crack cocaine but I swear to you I couldn't talk any faster to the Sheriff if Lassie had captured "the jewel thief" on top of Mount Bunkee. Well I mean you know though rite? I mean you know...

and on that note I'll gnaw my bedpost...pass out and dream of world domination

Press "Back" for More Info.

Gambling isn't healthy, neither is your life.

Totally random post time. Ahhh yes, you remember the good old days! Sometime back in September when I would write a post about something really stupid that left you feeling cheated from 5 minutes of your life. Yeah its one of those days.

Earlier today just before freezing my rear off in the 37 degree air on my way to the OTHER SIDE OF CAMPUS for PE, I read a little article on Safari's home page. It was about people who win the lottery and blow all their money doing something(s) stupid in the first few years. This is the kind of stuff we all knew happened but the lottery people never let you hear about. Ted Bumpus over in Arkansas gets 1.5 million. His half cousin/half sister who is pregnant with her third ...uh...thing....suddenly becomes a brilliant financial strategist and well advises him into investing half his money into a new mud-slingin' pit down at the water hole. "We can charge admission and we'll git all that money back SHUCKS!" Of course Ted agrees and while he's at it he even buys everyone in the family a new nextel so they can all get there daily dose of "10-4"s and "Roger that's. Turns out the target audience for mud-slingin' don't want to pay no admission to no fancy pit so they's just go on down out back of the flyin' Eagle gas station and do some slingin' there for free, man. Business venture FAILURE! The remainder of the money is invested in fine liquors and ..well cheap ones too in an attempt to drown out the sorrows of life in the marsh and before you know it Ted is right back were he started. Unemployed...in Greenland.

Though this is just a mock story it pretty much encompasses all the sad stories in that article into one. Well, except for the guy that straight spent 2 million on coke. Wow, now that's strangely impressive. Moral of the story is: luck and intelligence have no real connection to one another...and we should flee the British.

...Stupid Red Coats...

Egads!!! Turn That Thing Off Before Someone Gets Chocolated!!!

Peanuts anyone?

In my roommate's infinitely successful campaign to inconvenience and annoy me there have arisen two new instruments of evil. Before I explain them any further I feel I should give a little back story as to my roomie's current condition. I have never seen anyone that eats as much as Roach. I say this having seen both the chinese kid that packs away 40+ hot dogs and Michael Moore. Once at Wag he had a plate of chicken nuggets and the guys at the table really thought is was a serving plate...there had to be 40 on there. He ate them all, and two roasted chicken breasts.
Imagine his shock when he ran out of meals at Wag a week ago. After threatening to call the dean and state simply "What the ___k?" on her answering machine he came to the sad realization that he had just eaten all of his meals in record time. As of late he's taken up spear fishing. Sounds kind of cool right? He snorkels around in the water and shoots fish with a huge spear gun. I am still perplexed as to how he gets in and out of the dorm and campus with a 5 foot long, fully lethal spear gun, no questions asked. Anyway he took this up for fun. Now he's taking it up for living. Swearing to live off the land (and sea) for the remainder of the semester he has stated his intent to kill, filet, and bake his own dinner in order to survive. If anyone else had suggested this I would chuckle and carry on, but sadly I know that my fridge will be filled with fish corpses from now until december.
With the remainder of his money he purchased a bag of frozen pop corn chicken and what might possibly be Planter's "Silo" sized container of Dry Roasted Honey Roasted Peanuts, (which apparently taste better when you're drunk). Long story short I wake up Friday night to the sounds of a rustling bag of chicken and the blaring loud beeps of the microwave and again Saturday night around the same time to a wandering drunk hall mate who was close range screaming an inquiry as to if he could have some peanuts. PETE'S SAKE! Given the sheer volume of peanuts in that container I don't see why you would even ask. You could take cup fulls and no one would be any the wiser! It's like the holo foodmaker thingys on Star Trek. They never run out. Just keep taking peanuts!

No random comment but I will link you all to family operated sister-blog where you'll find slightly wittier content and possibly fresh napkins. Nathan proudly links my cousin David's blog... http:// meamdavid.blogspot.com

Do Ants Walk, or are They Tap Dancing?

T.P.
Originally uploaded by link5001.

The weekend has come and gone and during it so did the One Take Film Festival that I participated in. Devin DiMattina asked me about a month ago if I'd be interested in entering it with him and I agreed. I have to admit I was worried about it but in the end it all went well.
So here is how it works. Friday night your team is given a booklet with a list of requirements and the rules. Following these rules you have to make a 3-8 minutes movie in 24 hours from the time you picked up your book. We were in a team of five and our group name was Nuclear Space Zombie.
One of our required items was a roll of toilet paper. While brainstorming this idea I suggested the entire movie be from the toilet paper's perspective as it got caught on someone's shoes in a bathroom and tracked, literally, everywhere. The other Zombies liked it and from there it mutated into a story about an abandoned roll of toilet paper that goes exploring on it's on.
For any more on the movie I'm just going to make you watch it. Just ask me sometime, I have it on my laptop...as that is where we put it together. Everyone on the team helped out a lot and was really great to work with. In the end I'm proud to say that out of 19 team's films, T.P. took home the "Honorable Mention" (4th Place) and "Crowd's Choice" awards. Not bad Zombie! I'll be looking forward to this spring's One Take Festival to see if we can kick it up a notch....
...
BAM!!! (sorry)

Until next time, remember to churn your own butter and granny will keep on knitting!

If I Pelt You With Candy You Aren't Supposed to Care...

yet another brief post.

I have no idea why I'm even bother to post tonight. I guess just for the sake of posting. It can be fun. I told a friend of mine that yesterday's post would be the last one that mentioned Halo 2. I had to extend it one day for this reason. It seems my cousin, Stephen, has made the news. Front page in fact! With his permission (in spirit) I'm going to post the link here for all you guys to see. The Sanford Herald: For some, it's worth the waitBy TIM PRESTON
After seeing that article I gave up the last shred of hope. I respectfully pass the title of biggest Halo superfan in the family to him. He's touched ground I dare not tred on. Of course, being the biggest fan doesn't make you the best in multiplayer. I'm sure I could pepper him with fire and swiss cheese him in a good old Slayer match! Or at the very least give him a run for his money. We'll know soon enough!

I really really promise I'm done talking about Halo 2.

...

no really this time!

Tepid, but Still the Most Delicious Selection We Offer

Double Kill

It is fast becoming apparent that Halo 2, something I once viewed as a blessing from the video games gods, could just as easily have been a curse from the anti-normal life gods. I spent somewhere between 10-11 hours playing it in the last 24 hour period. Yeah, can I get a "woah" on that? Of course, it's only been out for 24 hours but who's counting? I'm sure that in the next week I'll look at my unbathed, unshaven self in the mirror and say, "I think I'll stop playing now", (a total lie) and slow down to about 3-4 hours a day. I'd give it a good month before I go back to 4-7 hours a week. The glory days. What frightens me is that Bungie, being evil as I have recently decided, released this at the beginning of the end of the semester. The most hectic time for students. Now I have yet another distraction. Research paper...sleep...research paper...sleep...oh well I guess I should probably do my.....oh wait...or Halo...yeah...Halo!

This is not going to be good.

And while you're at it you can stop stepping and my blue suede flask...OH DON'T YOU...STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE FLASK!!!!

I Know What a Bloody Tapestry is!

Years ago you served my father in the clone wars....

As I sit staring at my clock, (4 hours and 8 minutes to go!!!) in anticipation of midnight madness for Halo 2 I can't deny that I have this eerie "Nathan you're about to be really screwed" feeling. I don't know if that makes any sense..hmmm... Let me put it this way. Have you ever felt as if you're in trouble before you've even done something, or that something has gone wrong and you have no idea what it could be? Yeah, that’s the feeling I'm talking about. I wonder what it could me. Are my academics slipping about and my subconscious trying to say something? Is it a forewarning of how much Halo 2 is going to dominate my time after tonight? Are my biscuits burning and I still don't know about it?

Maybe its just built up excitement and I'll soon see that there is nothing to worry about. Famous last words eh? At least I can feel a little better now. My roommate is typing a paper and, talking to himself I suppose, randomly just blurted out "F___! Where's the 'J'?" Good Times Good Times...

Pass the bacon or feel my wrath!

Ceremony of the Broken Heart

Dance of the sugarplum nerds

I just had what could have been the geekiest conversation I've had in my life. My cousin, theatremarine.blogspot.com, Stephen IMed me and we proceeded to have a long conversation about Halo 2 and how big of nerds we are. Well, not exactly like that but if you were to read the conversation that is what you'd get out of it. Sadly that's not the end of it either, or the beginning. Earlier tonight I purchased a Halo T-shirt and poster. Then I spent a large portion of the evening, up until now, browsing the internet for any new Halo 2 news. Sigh, only 2 more days 'til it's out!

Please forget this post for future reference...

Peer Into my Crystal Sloan!

Rock it out...

Slacademics is now a word copyrighted and owned by Nathan Sloan Inc., 2004.
No no, in reality I'm not doing as badly as I was even a few days ago. I realized that it was time to get in gear and so far I've picked up on what I need to be doing and am (hopefully) heading in the right direction. Or at least one that won't get me booted from the university after my first year. Or semester.
...
or yesterday...
gulp

but aside from that oh WHAT interesting things have been happening in the world! I just finished, or "I", I should say just finished doing my part to finish out our third 201 project. I think it was our best one yet mostly because it was the first one that successfully made good use of humor. If you'd like a copy of it for yourself...well..you aren't going to get one because I don't feel like doing it. Sorry, oh don't worry, it wasn't good enough to want to see anyway.
In exactly one week I will be working on the one take film festival right here in Wilmington! (For more information please visit http://www.onetakefestival.com) I'm in a group of 4...ugh, or 5, and I really only know one of them. It will certainly be interesting to see what we can do and if it will be any good. My spirits are high-ish. Well, maybe a little closer to just above sea level. In any case I'm sure it will be a good experience.

The people have spoken and Mr. Bush has been given four more years as president of our country. In other words, Michael Moore still has a job.
And that's all I have to say about that...

What demented freak at Pepperidge Farms thought it would be a good idea to have your cute little snack crackers smile at you. I feel like such a loser! ((munch munch munch))

State of the Blog Address

Another month gone and another State of the Blog Address. Thrill Thrill! Indeed it was September first when I slapped down my first post "Freestyle for Friends of the Wild West" and it seems like it was just yesterday. Since then I've raised the bar with Images and ouuuuuuu! Even the outbound link or two. I hope these technological miricals haven't boggled your mind too often. In the mean time lets get down to business!

I plan on doing MORE interesting stuff like linking you guys to interesting sites online and writing posts about stupid stuff that I find online. Hey hey! Off the edge of that seat you!

Any suggestions you have for content on this jank would be GREATLY appreciated.

Back to commenting, if you comment GREAT. Comment often but i'm now adding a NEW rule to commenting. You can comment under the anonamous setting but PLEASE leave your name unless you REALLY don't want me to know it. I like to know who is talking to me. So...yeah...THANKS.

PUBLICITY. You know it, I know it, anyone thats ever been to WilmingSloan knows it. It's JUST a blog of a 18 year old college student that sometimes gets long-winded and boring but can sometimes be quasi-interesting. Even in light of this the page means a lot to me and my development as a writer, something I plan to be involved with my future profession, so i need as much of a reader base as possible. Tell your friends and, YES! Link my page on your webpage with the link title "most awesome site ever WilmingSloan" or something along those lines. It'll help me out a great deal and I thank you in advance.

Water Buffalo....Yes...walk towards them my child!