Today we went to Lowes. I had a conversation with my sister about how I hope adulthood doesn't ever take over in me and she assured me that it would. I then began considering the slow degeneration. I think it would go something like this
Scene
Nathan, at 29 years of age, is walking into a Lowes with his lovely wife (haha). She wants to get some stuff for the house.
Nathan:
Let's hurry up, please.
Vanessa (let's call her that):
Calm down, I won't take too long.
Nathan:
You know how I hate this place...
Vanessa:
And I know how much you love me, right.
Nathan:
You're absolutly right, beautiful wife of mine (grumbles under breath).
Vanessa:
Besides, it's about time you took an interest in making our house look its best.
Nathan:
The day I do that is the day I know it's all over. I refuse to grow-
Oh, that's really pretty edging brick. That would look nice around the driveway in the front...
...oh no, NO.....NOOOOOOOOOO!
Vanessa:
See, I told you it was coming.
Nathan:
Noooooo!!!
Vanessa:
I could see it in your eyes when you were eyeing that bamboo fountain on the way in.
Nathan:
WHY? WHY!? Oh the HUMANITY!!!!
And that's pretty much how I think it would go. Hopefully I'll be smarter than that when the time comes. I still have a few good years left in me. Let's hope I make the best of them.
Oh yeah. Vanessa, if you're out there, I like pumpkin pie. Bake me one and things will probably go smoother for us.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Bad Mood Crabapple
Another Glorious Thursday!
The sunlight streaks through my broke-as-crap venetian blinds (thanks housing) and UNCW's world of white columns and brick is waiting. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm I'm not bringing it anything. I'm going to relax today. True, I just got back from one week of constant relaxation at home but it's nearing the end of the semester and I'm feeling a little extra crispy lazy. Sure, I'll probably write up a couple things for class that I've been putting off, but that's it. I'm going to tinker around with my guitar and possibly do some photo graphing. If it's nice I'll go to the beach and realize that I don't really have anything to do there, then leave about 15 minutes later, like I always do.
I love the beach. No really, I do. I know what you're thinking...
"If you love the beach so much why do you leave after only 15 minutes?"
Hmm, well, that is a valid point. Of course you could always hurl this one at me...
"Nathan, if you love the beach so much, why have you been there less than 30 times in all three of your years at UNCW...the BEACH school?"
To which I say, "Hey, let's not get crazy, hypothetical-audience-questioning person. I tend to get upset when people get an attitude like that."
"Oh," You might say, "I'm sorry but what if that just doesn't frighten me that much."
"Then I think you might need a little lesson or two," I say while picking up a crowbar, "maybe you'll understand pretty soon just how much I do love the beach."
"Woah, woah chill man," You might say while cowering like a pansy, "you crazy ese! Just chill!"
And so, once again I intimidate the hypothetical audience consciousness in my own writing. It feels good to be on top!
I'm really glad our teeth don't keep growing like some animals. (Blessing #449,857,890,345.03)
The sunlight streaks through my broke-as-crap venetian blinds (thanks housing) and UNCW's world of white columns and brick is waiting. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm I'm not bringing it anything. I'm going to relax today. True, I just got back from one week of constant relaxation at home but it's nearing the end of the semester and I'm feeling a little extra crispy lazy. Sure, I'll probably write up a couple things for class that I've been putting off, but that's it. I'm going to tinker around with my guitar and possibly do some photo graphing. If it's nice I'll go to the beach and realize that I don't really have anything to do there, then leave about 15 minutes later, like I always do.
I love the beach. No really, I do. I know what you're thinking...
"If you love the beach so much why do you leave after only 15 minutes?"
Hmm, well, that is a valid point. Of course you could always hurl this one at me...
"Nathan, if you love the beach so much, why have you been there less than 30 times in all three of your years at UNCW...the BEACH school?"
To which I say, "Hey, let's not get crazy, hypothetical-audience-questioning person. I tend to get upset when people get an attitude like that."
"Oh," You might say, "I'm sorry but what if that just doesn't frighten me that much."
"Then I think you might need a little lesson or two," I say while picking up a crowbar, "maybe you'll understand pretty soon just how much I do love the beach."
"Woah, woah chill man," You might say while cowering like a pansy, "you crazy ese! Just chill!"
And so, once again I intimidate the hypothetical audience consciousness in my own writing. It feels good to be on top!
I'm really glad our teeth don't keep growing like some animals. (Blessing #449,857,890,345.03)
Monday, March 05, 2007
Sunlight Siesta
Everyone needs to try new things...
This weekend was a wondrous one. I went to Kannapolis NC, home of the world famous king of rednecks, Dale Earnhardt. I was there to lead a group of 9th grade boys in Bible study sessions for their youth group revival at Charity Baptist Church. Now, the boys were cool and the weekend was awesome, I think some really good things came from it, but there was some craziness.
One thing that came from it was my first "adventure" on an ATV, or as they are more commonly called, four-wheelers. Growing up in rural NC, I always heard about "faw-weelin" and scoffed my scoffer at it. Such a low brow activity didn't seem like it could possibly offer anything to a sophisticated individual such as myself, so I never tried it. When I was talking to the owner of my host home for the weekend, he told me about how he took trips up to West Virginia just to go though miles and miles of ATV trails. The way he described it made it sound like a magical world of mud and hills where the police merely waved a friendly hello to you as you passed on your ATV and the morning sun brought with it the spirit of gasoline propelled adventure. After his long tale I casually informed him that I had never even been on one. Shock and awe flashed across his eyes.
"You want to try right now?"
We went out to his shed where he kept his family's collection of ATVs and proceeded to crank up what he called "The second baddest ATV he'd ever seen." A non-stock muffler aided in making it the first loudest ATV I'd ever heard. We all just sort of stared at it there in the dark, listening to the booming purr until he decided he'd lock up in favor of going out in daylight.
The next day he pulled them out, put me on his wife's and told me to follow. We didn't have enough ATVs so one of my 9th grade students hopped on the back with me. It didn't seem intelligent to place two lives in the hands of someone who had never operated such a vehicle before, but before I could argue, the owner was getting every ounce of "bad" out of his ride as he rocketed down the street and disappeared.
He waited up for me, a considerable wait since my initial driving skill was something akin to a mouse frantically and randomly jumping from side to side. Once I got my bearings he led us into some trails behind his house. These trails were ATV sized exactly. One false move to the left or right and you were eating tree. I still didn't have a handle (pun not intended) on how do steer the thing so I ended up eating quite a bit of tree. I felt bad for the kid riding with me, he had to have been terrified. Apparently when I hit an immovable object my brain - in it's panic - sends a signal to my thumb to speed up violently. This led to the untimely death of at least a couple of trees. I'd hit them, hear a cracking noise coming from underneath me, then spring forward and finish flattening them to the ground.
The trails led us to a really cool dried out lake bed. As you can imagine, there was plenty of mud and water to plow though. The sandy ground had been eroded and washed out severely and provided a great way to jarr the living daylights out of yourself. I had a lot of fun flying through this one puddle until mud splashed directly into my eye.
When the day was done we came back and pressure washed his "babies" before putting them away. I almost hate to say it, but all these years I've been wrong about "faw-weelin." It's actually undeniably fun, in a "you could seriously kill yourself doing this" kind of way. One more to check off my list of things I never thought I'd do.
So...basically...I took a ride into the danger zone, right?
This weekend was a wondrous one. I went to Kannapolis NC, home of the world famous king of rednecks, Dale Earnhardt. I was there to lead a group of 9th grade boys in Bible study sessions for their youth group revival at Charity Baptist Church. Now, the boys were cool and the weekend was awesome, I think some really good things came from it, but there was some craziness.
One thing that came from it was my first "adventure" on an ATV, or as they are more commonly called, four-wheelers. Growing up in rural NC, I always heard about "faw-weelin" and scoffed my scoffer at it. Such a low brow activity didn't seem like it could possibly offer anything to a sophisticated individual such as myself, so I never tried it. When I was talking to the owner of my host home for the weekend, he told me about how he took trips up to West Virginia just to go though miles and miles of ATV trails. The way he described it made it sound like a magical world of mud and hills where the police merely waved a friendly hello to you as you passed on your ATV and the morning sun brought with it the spirit of gasoline propelled adventure. After his long tale I casually informed him that I had never even been on one. Shock and awe flashed across his eyes.
"You want to try right now?"
We went out to his shed where he kept his family's collection of ATVs and proceeded to crank up what he called "The second baddest ATV he'd ever seen." A non-stock muffler aided in making it the first loudest ATV I'd ever heard. We all just sort of stared at it there in the dark, listening to the booming purr until he decided he'd lock up in favor of going out in daylight.
The next day he pulled them out, put me on his wife's and told me to follow. We didn't have enough ATVs so one of my 9th grade students hopped on the back with me. It didn't seem intelligent to place two lives in the hands of someone who had never operated such a vehicle before, but before I could argue, the owner was getting every ounce of "bad" out of his ride as he rocketed down the street and disappeared.
He waited up for me, a considerable wait since my initial driving skill was something akin to a mouse frantically and randomly jumping from side to side. Once I got my bearings he led us into some trails behind his house. These trails were ATV sized exactly. One false move to the left or right and you were eating tree. I still didn't have a handle (pun not intended) on how do steer the thing so I ended up eating quite a bit of tree. I felt bad for the kid riding with me, he had to have been terrified. Apparently when I hit an immovable object my brain - in it's panic - sends a signal to my thumb to speed up violently. This led to the untimely death of at least a couple of trees. I'd hit them, hear a cracking noise coming from underneath me, then spring forward and finish flattening them to the ground.
The trails led us to a really cool dried out lake bed. As you can imagine, there was plenty of mud and water to plow though. The sandy ground had been eroded and washed out severely and provided a great way to jarr the living daylights out of yourself. I had a lot of fun flying through this one puddle until mud splashed directly into my eye.
When the day was done we came back and pressure washed his "babies" before putting them away. I almost hate to say it, but all these years I've been wrong about "faw-weelin." It's actually undeniably fun, in a "you could seriously kill yourself doing this" kind of way. One more to check off my list of things I never thought I'd do.
So...basically...I took a ride into the danger zone, right?
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