Laminate Wood Eh? Could've Fooled Me!

NoStach
Originally uploaded by The Sloan.

Tis the season...for a great many things...

Please DO NOT BE ALARMED by the photo of my lip above. You needn't worry. A Ninja has not expertly removed my upper head and part of my chin with his razor sharp sword.

Something about the Christmas season has struck a particularly beautiful holiday note in me and I have decided that it is TIME for the Chronicles of the Mustache to commence. That's right. Inspired by the power of the mustaches of yore, I have decided to undergo experimental upper lip transformation, just to see how it will effect my day to day life. From December 1, 2005 to January 15, 2006 there is to be no shaving from either corner of my mouth, up. I think it will be exciting to see what happens (or if anything happens at all in my case) and so I will keep you updated as it progresses.

Now, despite it's complete lack of relation, the mustache has already performed it's first miraculous act by reminding me of my next topic of conversation, holiday shopping. Now, I'm a college student, so don't think any of you have much of a chance of getting anything beyond a kind smile or perhaps some mono from me this year. The problem I see all around me is that no one knows how to shop and correctly and well, in an instance of some of it's finest work, irony seems to have blessed the one person who can't afford to with the knowledge of how. I figure there is but one way to combat this cruel trick. All ye who can afford to ... prepare yourselves for!!!

NATHAN'S HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE

Please Note: This guide applies to about 80% of all gift buying experiences, not all attempts to give gifts in the ways listed will result in failure. IT IN NO WAY IS REFLECTIVE OF GIFTS I HAVE RECEIVED OR EXPECT TO RECEIVE It's not personally reflective to me.

POINT 1: Don't freak out.

All too often the main reason I see horribly mismatched gifts given out is that the person giving the gift has freaked out hardcore about what to get the other person. My mom does this sometimes, despite her best efforts. (Ohhhh! I don't know what they like! I just don't have any idea what to get them!) Thinking this way is your first mistake because it often times leads you to either buy something without thinking at all in exasperation (a big no-no) or it can lead to, but is not the sole cause, of the next mistake.

POINT 2: Avoid buying things that are known "likes" of the recipient.

This one is big and may be a bit controversial, but I'm a strong believer in it. If little Timmy likes Harry Potter (which I found out from his mom,) guess what he's NOT getting from Nathan!? That's right...anything relating to Harry Potter...or any children's books for that matter. I try to completely avoid all areas of the "known likes" for these reasons.
...they already have it
...if they don't already have it and it's not really expensive, they don't want it.
...it says to me "I did the minimal amount of research and got your present over with and I'm SAFE, whether you like it or NOT!"

Before anyone starts throwing knives at me, let me reiterate that there ARE exceptions to this rule. Some people (a la me) want things and can't afford them no matter how cheap they are. Case in point, I like Indiana Jones.
Last year my friend Matt had an Indiana Jones shirt made for me since I collect parts of the costume. I loved that present! But please also note that the reason it worked was because he a) did his research and found that I didn't have one b) made a reasonable inference that I would want one based on what he knows of me and c) found a way to make it happen that showed some amount of personal time and effort on his part.
In like manner my cousin Stephen got me an Indiana Jones related gift that I enjoyed, a video game for Xbox. I’m assuming he a)did his research and found out I didn't have one b)made a reasonable inference that I would want one based on what he knows of me and c) found a way to make it happen that showed some amount of personal time and effort on his part. That's what really means something, and they were both effective presents that didn't break the bank and actually were related to an interest of mine. So it certainly can be done if you go at it from the right angle.

The main instance in which I say to avoid giving presents that are "known likes" (with the reasons listed above in mind) are those where you can't put the time or effort into it needed to make it work (aka: weird uncle Al that you've met 5 times in your life or coworker Bob.) If you're buying for someone that you really don't know all that well and you're really doing it out of obligation, just go ahead and buy them a gift card to some place unusual and nice...or get them something to eat at a really nice restaurant. Be more general. If you don't know them, they probably don't know you and thus won't be offended if you buy them a more general type present. Trust me, people would much rather get a box of hot doughnuts than a $5-10 whatzzahmuh something that is related to one of their "likes."

Avoiding likes can also be useful when buying for people you DO know and WILL spend time and effort shopping for. No matter how hard you try, your sources could be flawed and they could have it already, or they may not be interested in it regardless of what you thought they were into. It really depends on the person, so just use good non-freaked out judgment and go from their.

POINT 3: Don't be lazy.

In the same way that you shouldn't "Freak out" about what to get them or run to the most obvious and first answer you come to...the main thing is just don't be lazy. Finding a present that means something to someone (especially someone that you aren't really close to) is not and should never be easy. If you don't know someone and you found their present in 10 minutes, there is a good chance they're going to hate it and they're going to know just how little you care. If you care that little about the person, at least give them a card or money or better yet...find a way out of buying them anything at all. There is no shame in no wanting to let some obscure person in your life know just how obscure they are. If they are obscure and they shouldn't be, let the true meaning of Christmas go to work and practice a little brotherhood and bonding with them. Repair the problem of not caring to know them and in the process you'll figure out a good thoughtful gift. In that way gifts can not only show how much someone means to you, but they can help you come to know someone that perhaps, you didn't before. Is it easy? No. Is it the right way to do it? Yes.

POINT 4: Remember why you're doing it.

If you're a Christian you give gifts as a way of showing gratitude for the gift of Jesus' life. If you aren't a Christian, why are you celebrating Christmas? I wish you would stop.
Because of the weight behind the reason for our giving presents, we should never give them half heatedly, out of obligation or regretfully. A gift is most often a physical item, but a good gift is good because of something that happens outside of the physical realm. It should be an earnest expression of appreciation for that person and above all for the common bond you both share that is the generosity of God. Only when totally focused on the true meaning of Christmas can we really enjoy it beyond its market value.

The Holiday Shopping season is officially open. With the right attitude you can make it the most merry one ever!

You may not be worth much in US$ but I'll bet you're worth a pretty Yen or two!

I Ain't Scared to Punch Big Foot's Kid in the Face...

Now with 62% less emo!

Sorry about the depressing "I'm sick, whine whine whine" posts that I've been putting up here, but when your sick it's amazing how that's the only thing that seems to come to mind. I'm feeling TONS better, (though I still dread going through my last 2 weeks of class and exams) so don't worry about me none. I'm still kickin' like a wooly worm in a can of biscuits!

I really hate the mini fridge in my room. Like...really hate it. My roommate cleverly tricked me into putting it on my side of the room and right next to my desk. This means that EVERY TIME THE LOUD OBNOXIOUS MOTOR TURNS ON, I HEAR IT LOUD AND CLEAR. It also means that should I happen to situate myself in front of the dang thing and Devin wants something. I have to move. HEAVEN FORBID I BLOCK YOU FROM YOUR PRECIOUS DELI MEATS DEVIN, HEAVEN FORBID. To top it off, I don't even use the thing and I still owe $17 out of $37 on it. I mean, I may occasionally chill some water in there...but I have YET to really use it for anything like I did last year. Stupid UNCW. It's just one more way they like to stick it to us! Make us pay out our hezzimuh-huzzies for mini fridges and then give us a 1983 model that sounds like the refrigerator equivalent to a broken down Fiat!

Now I'm done venting...

...unfortunately the mini fridge isn't...

Who would win in a fight...a llama or a camel?

Just Another Crashed Party

100.2, how I dislike you.

I'm writing here tonight with the above fever, not because I want to, but because I don't know when the next time will come that I feel well enough to sit up to write. Since I've been home my conditions have worsened, my throat has gotten almost unbearably sore, I feel shaky and tired, and my ears and jaw have started hurting. I'm not sure where to go with this. Part of me still hopes that I'm going through the worst of it, the rest of me hears what happened to my friends and family and makes me feel like I'm only 1/4 of the way through. I am supposed to go back to school in 2 days, and though I have enough free absences in all of my classes to support my staying home for the week, I have a group presentation on Monday that I happen to be responsible for assembling the parts of. Coming downstairs to check my temperature and drink some juice seemed like a hard journey, I can't imagine walking across campus in the cold.
As if that weren't stressful enough, my exam period starts on THE FIRST day (a week from Saturday) and at 8:00 AM. I have at least 2 , but possibly 3 exams that first day, then one three days later...and the last one three days later on the final day. The entire exam period.
This really puts things in perspective. I've had it so easy this whole semester. A good schedule that I've been able to adhere to every day, good grades in each of my classes (my best semester yet*) and now, here at the end, it looks like I've finally got my work cut out for me to follow through and finish.


This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for mono. I don't know why I've got it but I know it didn't happen right now without reason. I hope that soon I'm standing up, fever free and enlightened, laughing at how worried I was. We'll see soon enough.

GO WHITE BLOOD CELLS GO!!!!

Blue Cheese: The Enemy of a Nation

Under the Weather, in more ways than one.

I'll keep this brief because I have to sleep.
I wake up this morning...I decide I have to do something because I don't feel good. I walk to student health in the pouring rain and arrive there quite soaked through. I made the decision after 2 days of a sporadic and mysterious rash and sporadic feelings of general lousiness. The apathetic nurse practitioner did some blood work only to discover I have mono. She says I'm about a week into it and that means the "acute" phase is halfway over....meaning the latent phase where you feel tired and miserable is just about that far away, or...in time for me to head back to school for my last two weeks. I already feel really tired, I slept this whole afternoon, so I'm hoping I have a rushed case of it and maybe the worst will come over Thanksgiving so I won't have to deal with it during exams. All in all she says I should expect at least 3 more weeks of this crap and that I should do nothing but eat and rest (and study and take exams, as I will have to.)

For those of you who have been around me, don't freak out. It's only transferable through saliva...so don't drink after me or french me (though tempting it well may be.) You will be fine.

Tomorrow I have a full day starting at 7AM and going non stop until 5, when I give my last big speech in public speaking (who knows how that will go) and then I'll head back to the old dorm room to pack up and hit the road. Tomorrow the word "misery" in the encyclopedia my have a picture of me next to it, since I will more than likely be the poster child for it. Regardless, I'm going to laugh in the face of adversity and force myself to enjoy it all. HA HA HA HA

Lemons lemons lemons LIMES...DIVE FOR THE LIMES OR THEY'LL KILL YOU BOY!

Walking Under Ladders for a Living

I Love to Cook my Kin Folk!
Originally uploaded by The Sloan.

bon appigite!

Today I did the unthinkable, I skipped biology class. I don't feel too bad about it, however, because I have gone the entire semester without missing one session AND I had a very good reason. Caroline, Catherine, Matt and I went downtown to the good old Country buffet restaurant. It's an old house on the waterfront that has a home cooked southern food buffet, so quaint that you have to pick up your floral patterned plates from the china cabinet in the room next to the line. It's really an enjoyable dining experience, and the food is actually very close to what grandma makes.
That being said, I now have to take this happy little story down a dark path. No, not by choice, but by necessity. Necessity to expose an evil that has gone unnoticed for too long. You see, this restaurant also serves pork bar-b-que, and as a matter of fact, that cute little piggy at the top of this post is sitting by their front door.
This isn't an isolated case my friends, oh no. Cute piggies, gleefully smiling while awaiting their doom are a common addition to southern BBQ chains. Just think for yourself! Haven't you been in a BBQ restaurant and seen happy cute piggy sculptures shining with joy in their eyes at what can only be assumed is their opportunity to be gutted and cooked whole on a giant grill? I kid you not, at one place back home I saw a live, and happy pig laying on a plate, dressed with lettuce, with an apple in it's mouth. Nothing kills my appetite for pork more than seeing the animal I'm about to eat sadistically staring back at me with an adorable look on it's face.
Heck! Why don't the go the whole nine yards? In the above picture you can clearly see chef pig, presumably waiting to cook one of his lucky relatives. Why not have him "kick it up a notch" and complete the horrific welcome scene by showing chef pig brushing butter on his aunty's back? Or maybe he could be putting her in the oven, but oh! They're both looking over their shoulders smiling all the while! There has to be something we can do besides close our eyes in disgust or ignore the problem.
Don't buy into the lie!
Pigs don't want to die!

But they are delicious.

I just found out that there is no recorded instance of a pirate having an eye patch, earring, or peg leg, it was all just the work of fiction authors of the 19th century. Does that ruin anyone else's day?

I Didn't Know What to Name Them so Birds Came Out

So the smell of crisp linen is slowly fading away...

Ai! This has been a monster of a semester all right but soon it will be over. I think it was just this weekend that I realized, "Hey! there are only 11 days of class left total!" That was a weird feeling. With my semester next lined up to be a real doozy I don't know what quite to feel. Joy for the close of this one or fear for the commencement of the next? Time will tell I suppose, but I do know one thing. I, along with many of my fellow students, am homesick and want to see my family and eat good food on Thanksgiving! I <3 Wag with the best of 'em, but after a while, the campus dining hall just doesn't quite cut it.

So that's it for the boring linear readout of my day(s) that seems to the be only thing I can write lately, now for something fun!
I'm going to write a sentence and ever sentence after that will have only one thing in common with the one before, let's see what happens in 15 sentences!

The Panda chews on the Bamboo methodically.
Bamboo makes excellent furniture.
The word excellent makes me think of Keanu Reeves.
Keanu Reeves is a bad actor that got really lucky.
Bad is a song by Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson's career is like poop in the potty.
I'm thankful that pottery isn't called potty for short.
People often feel thankful for turkey in November.
"I'll be gone 'til November, gone 'til November..."
Gone is a place I'd like to be in relation to UNCW
UNCW may be getting a football team.
Guess who would be the most horrid team ever?
Would sounds just like the word wood.
I'm not sure, but I think Bamboo is a type of wood.
The Panda chews on the Bamboo methodically.

And there you have it! Have a lovely day...everyone

Uncle Merric has the world's only breed of head banging zebras....I wonder if I could borrow them for my music video...

I Could Take the Earl of Sandwich in a Fist Fight...Easy...

the map gets a little bigger

Today I registered for classes and got everything I wanted and more. The problem? Night classes! Two of my film classes run late on Monday and Wens night. Though this is not totally set in stone, here is a schedule of what I will be taking:

Business of Film (with professor Frank Capra Jr.)
American Cinima (1927-1960)
History and Appreciation of Film: Modern
Creative Nonfiction
Poetry Writing
and finally
Archaeology

Thats right, 3 film classes, 2 Creative writing classes, and a class that will teach me the skills of whip and revolver while at the same time sending me headlong on the white hot trail for the Ark of the Covenant.

...

Hey, I'm a film major, not a fossil digger! You end up telling yourself certain things to help you get through the basic studies now and again...

In a final notice, anyone who giggled at me when they read "Poetry Writing" will get whats coming to them. Your walls have ears you know. And it's estimated that 78% of wall ears in the U.S. are on my payroll. Just you think about that when you're trying to sleep tonight.

If you've ever seen the original Star Wars, or especially if your a fan, visit McSweeney's Internet Tendency: On the Implausibility of the Death Star's Trash Compactor. Prepare to die laughing.

Put the Lime in the Taco Shell and Shake it All Up

What dreams are made of...

I forgot to mention how I discharged a firearm for the first time last Wednesday. Joe, while we were scouting out paintball land, introduced me to the wonders of shooting skeet. This is when a little clay disk is hurled into the air and you mercilessly unload on it with a 12 gauge shotgun. I miraculously hit my first target, and it's not as easy as it looks. Though I was quite nervous of the power of the weapon, nothing feels quite like popping a clay into a fine dust and watching the smoke curl out of the barrel while you shuck the used shell onto the ground. Oh yes, there was maniacal laughter. To put your minds at ease, however, I must state that I don't have a fire arm of my own and don't plan on getting one any time soon.

In other news if WilmingSloan just ISN'T enough for you, I now encourage you to head over to Waking Themes, my new dream blog. The address is www.theseagulls.blogspot.com

Yes, the roach behind the surf board was STILL BREATHING when I found him.

My Little Buddy Rotted

Sword of the Spirit
Originally uploaded by The Sloan.

So is it once a week now?

No, no. It isn't. What's new in the life of Nathan? I'll brush over it all and hopefully you'll get the gist. I've become more an more interested in the prospect of double majoring here at UNCW in Film Studies and Creative writing. This Wednesday I will be signing up for next semesters classes and if all goes well by May I'll have everything done to satisfy my basic studies, officially declare film majorhood, and possible apply for creative writing. Now I just have to hope that everyone and their brother that gets to apply before me, don't take all my spots.

Painball has made a comeback. JoeBlanchard, a friend of mine from CCF has taken a sudden interest in paintball with me and we're working out plans to at least get a group together of our own to play down here, and even loftier talks of organizing games all around the region. How is that going to happen? With the eventual building of capefearpaintball.org (if you go there now it just takes you back to Joe's page.) There is virtually no one in the market around here and paintball is obviously something that a lot of people are really interested in, but can't find the organization to get involved with. In the 2 short weeks we spent organizing the first two games, we got at least 15 interested people, and that's just between the two of us...well, mostly Joe. I'd love to see it grow into a well organized sporting event. Paintball has so many possibilities.

The third and final thing I'll write on is the future of "Nathan Sloan" as product. In my line of work I realize there is no getting anywhere unless you promote yourself. In recognition of this I have plans to get to work on a new film project for the spring, get my more secretive project under way over Christmas break, and finally, build a website proper.

Earlier this week nathansloan.com was officially registered by yours truly. If you go there now you'll be redirected to this lovely little blog of mine, but eventually, that will not be the case. Eventually I'll have my entire life on there and my web journal will be only part of it. I can't wait until enough of my life develops that I can put it all on a website of my own.

I urge you all to consider the Gourmet White when eating at Mellow Mushroom.