Thursday, March 27, 2008

Data Entry Specialist

Yesterday I got "fitted" for my cap and gown. I put "fitted" in quotation marks because the only question they ask you is how tall you are. Comforting. Gowns are now one-size-fits-all pieces of silky fabric. Graduation gowns are like higher-class ponchos that are only useful for one day. I think that schools should lessen the pomp in graduation ceremonies and give graduating students authentic, colorful ponchos that might actually be of some use after commencement. Imagine a ceremony where the esteemed scholars look a little less like esteemed scholers and a little more like a crowd of vacant-minded wanderers at a flea market.
They didn't even bother to take my cap size, so I guess they're taking advantage of the magic of elastic bands. This means that 50% of the graduates will be comfortable during the ceremony, and 50% will feel their heart beating at their temples for 45 minutes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, maybe I have the ideal collegiate head.

Etamology of the word "Tidal." Al was the god of keeping the water at a particular point. When Jupiter tied Al up for attempted theft of Mercury's winged sandles, they began to change. Thus, tidal patterns.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've found a great use for my graduation robe after graduation: Scary Death Shroud Robe for various halloween monsters. I just stand by the bushes and let the little kids walk by and get their candy. Sometimes I move very slowly back and forth like I'm motorized. When the parents go "ah, don't be scared, that's not real", I usually jump at them. That's mostly because parents should always keep their kids guessing, and if they're not going to take responsibility for their children, I guess I have to.

You should see the graduate robes. Same silky material, but the sleeves hang down to my knees, and are sewn up on the ends. It turns out, there are openings closer to the wrists you're supposed to stick your hands through, and the long sleeves are for some kind of effect. I think I found a new death shroud robe :)