Lance Responds
Originally uploaded by The Sloan.
Before you read this post, please be sure to read this one. Otherwise it loses effect.
Today I heard back from Lance, Inc.'s Consumer Affairs Coordinator, Phil O. Brooks. I'll just copy the letter for you guys below:
Dear Ms. Sloan:
Please accept our apologies for your experience with Lance Cream Cheese with Chives on Captain's Wafers that was missing the filling. We are most concerned to have this report.
This product is manufactured in accordance with the highest quality standards. Please be assured that this information has been forwarded to the responsible individuals for corrective action.
Again, we apologize for any inconvenience to you. We are enclosing coupons for your use. We hope you will continue to have faith in our organization and purchase our products as you have in the past. We do appreciate your business.
Ok, there are three verdicts I could drop here (keep in mind, this is a real issue, I didn't make this up for the sake of it). They:
1)Hate Democracy
2)Think Democracy is "OK"
3)Love Democracy and America
The letter was nice and the compensation in coupons was MORE than nice, so I would give them "Love Democracy and America," sadly, Phil made one crucial mistake. Did anyone else catch it?
Ms. Sloan???
For that I must demote their status to "Thinks Democracy is 'OK'"
It's a tough world out there, but at the end of the day, Lance is a darn fine snack company. Do you have Lance in your pants?
Does anyone else smell shellfish?
5 comments:
I NOTICED!!!
Good job bud- you saved the free world from an inferior existence of eating half complete cracker snack goodness!!
Hey Nathan. You finally have established your place as the first nobleman of Lance cracker affiliates, and their cracker. Someone should knight you. Anyways, I'm going to be in Wilmington this weekend. I hope to see you down there man. Curtis
"Please be assured that this information has been forwarded to the responsible individuals for corrective action."
Won't you feel guilty if some poor schmoe that works at the cracker family gets canned because of your humorous letter? The bosses come down all stern, carrying clipboards. "I'm sorry, Larry. I know you're expecting your eighth kid, but we have high standards here at Lance, and you slacked. We're going to have to let you go." The icing on the cake is that the coupons they sent you were Larry's severance.
IT: LOL! I wish that WERE true, cos that would sooooooo appeal to my evil capitalist side!
But (sigh) unfortunately, the slacker(s) at Lance are either (a) machines, (b)illegals that cost so little to employ that the company would make a loss merely considering the idea and/or (c)protected by super duper watertight labour legislation and Union representation so they will NEVER get fired. EVER.
Feel better? : )
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