Hat of a Drop

AMEEEEEEERICA!

In celebration of our great democracy (and to test it) I've decided to send a little letter and let you fine folks follow it on its epic journey. The letter is a claim, or complaint letter, which will find it's way into the box of one LANCE CONSUMER AFFAIRS devision. I wrote the letter for my Intro. to Technical Writing class, got an A- on it, and now it's going to the big boys. Here is a copy of the letter in full:

Nathaniel Sloan
401 Maple Ave.
Four Oaks, NC 27524
September 27, 2006

Lance Consumer Affairs

P.O. Box 32368
Charlotte, NC 28232

To the Director of Lance Consumer Affairs:

I am writing with concern for a problem I discovered in one of your Home Packs of sandwich crackers. I’d like to begin by saying that I have been a loyal customer of Lance for years and have always been satisfied with the quality of your product.

In July of this year, I was given a Home Pack of Captain’s Wafers with Cream Cheese & Chives. As you are aware, each Home Pack comes with eight individually wrapped six-packs of sandwich crackers. Captain’s Wafers are my favorite of your cracker varieties and your Cream Cheese & Chives filling is delicious. Imagine my disappointment at discovering the first and last sandwich cracker in almost every pack was missing its Cream Cheese and Chives filling.

I realize that the manufacturing process isn’t a perfect one, but I feel some form of compensation is in order for my disappointment. I would also like to know if steps are being taken to ensure that every sandwich cracker in every pack attains the quality goals set forth by your company. Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely yours,




Nathaniel Sloan


As you can see...I'm not sugar coating anything. I'll let you know what Lance's response is and quite frankly there are only two ways to look at the outcome. If they give me some compensation, we're good. If they don't, democracy is in danger and we all must take action against their neglect.

If you don't own a gun, don't put one in your script.

For Softer Crust, Place on Oven Sheet

School bans tag, other chase games - CNN.com

Oh, you knew it was coming.

In the never ending pursuit to make people's lives safer by removing everything in them that makes them worth living, there is another victory. Apparently several school systems across the country have taken the strong arm against one of my favorite things, tag. No, children aren't coating themselves in skunky body spray, I speak of the childhood classic. The game of tag.

Ok, correct me if I'm wrong, but no one made up the game of tag. I think God gave us tag from the beginning, sort of a natural instinct. You let kids go out into an open area and one of them is going to chase another one and instantly everyone knows what's going on. There is never an adult needed to explain the rules, it's just understood.

Let that stand undeniable evidence that tag is a basic, unalienable right of the children of America. Are you surprised that I'm defending it? It's the only sport I was ever any good at! Of course I'm going to defend it! You know what else....IT ISN'T SAFE, and I DON'T CARE. Neither do kids, go ahead and ask them.

I wouldn't feel qualified to make that statement if I didn't feel I had some authority in saying it. I do, however, and that's because I broke my wrist by tripping over a root in a game of tag in the first grade. Snapped it. I cried a bit, had to eat and color with my left hand for a while, then I got over it. My kids will too. I don't want some hyper sensitive school system, so afraid of getting sued, denying my child the privilege of running around and getting hurt. All children should at least have that.

French Onion soup is delicious...

Stabby Stabby!!

Oh the fun I've had since my last post!

I went rafting on the Nolichuckee (sp) river.

I went on my first roller coaster ride (and on 4 more after it) at Busch Gardens.

I got in touch with my ye olde side at Colonial Williamsburg.

and

I spent fall break at home relaxing and playing with our puppy.

Three weekends and TOO much fun. I'm really glad that I've had such a busy semester. I would be morbidly depressed if I had nothing to do on the weekends. If there is a weekend that comes around that I don't have anything to do for, you better invite me to do something or I may go off the deep end. I'm just kidding!
...but seriously...

So what does one do in the midst of the weekend excitement? Pretty much wait for the semester to end. I want it to get here as soon as possible. A month at home with no job doing NOTHING might drive me slightly crazy, but this is one semester that's been tough enough that I'd like to see it go! I won't take so many classes that require writing ever again. It's impossible to do all the writing I'm supposed to very well, so I end up turning in a bunch of stuff and saying....ehhhh, it's probably a "B," but it's at least a "C." I'm sure you all know how that goes.

In other news I got my Dad's old Nikon camera and brought it back from the house. As soon as I get the time/money I plan on taking some fantastic photography, which I'll put up for your viewing pleasure. If you have facebook and your interested in seeing pictures from my trip, there are plenty up on there. Go to www.facebook.com, search for me, and their on my profile.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day. I love you all adoring reader!

Ca-ta-ridge-es.

Oh the HUMANITY!
Originally uploaded by The Sloan.

Lowes Foods is racist.

How can you deny it with the evidence right in front of your face. Here we see a classic example, the Lowes Foods "Assorted Cremes." My roommate, Devin (pictured here holding the cookies) is a avid patron of the grocery store that markets and sells these cookies. Some would say these are a delicious treat, but if you don't see the symbolism, you're blind.

In this apparently innocent cookie package we have two flavors. ONLY TWO. There are the light cookies, and the dark cookies. As a side note I'd like to point out that the dark cookies are in an obvious minority to the light ones. That, of course, isn't what gets me all fired up. What's really over the top is the way in which they pack the dark cookies between the white ones. Ok, when you open a bag of cookies, where do you usually pull the first on from? The answer is of course, the side that is most available. THE SIDE, not the middle. The chocolate cookies are not only at a numeric disadvantage, but they are also denied the opportunities for selection that the light ones are.

Why couldn't they mix the cookies together? Would it have killed them? Was it just too much for them?

Segregationist cookie PUNKS.

Now, as a response to that Lowes Food's would probably point out the sister product named "Duplex Cremes." In that product the two halves of cookie are each different colors. That's a good effort, I'll admit, the dark and the light creamed together in harmony, but honestly look at the name. Duplex Creams? Come on, could the rhyme be any more obvious and insulting? They might as well just call them KK Kremes.

I wouldn't stand for this. Boycott Lowes foods until they notice the mistakes they're making and clean up their act.

*To anyone that may read this, please don't misinterpret my tone. I'm so far removed from being racist myself I try to find humor in an effort to reduce it's potency. CHUCKLE!

I'm Not Afraid to Kill the Loud Tenant Above Me.

"Heeeeey!" (that looks like what we're saying).
Originally uploaded by The Sloan.

So the image you see with this post is from WWE "UNFORGIVEN" night over at Yam's yesterday. Melissa made the long trek down and I actually got to spend a small amount of time with her. Seeing Yam and several caswelll buddies was lots of fun too.

Of course, that's not what this post is about.

How does one start off a blog entry about something as intricately and subtlety complex as what I'm about to discuss? This is an art that few people are blessed with the ability to appreciate, but if you are, it can cause emotional responses unavailable elsewhere. No, it's not traditional African folk dancing (though the congas will do a number on you). This is the one and only true sport of the thinking man; the art of professional wrestling.

"It's fake Nathan! How can you call a fake sport art? How can you allow your infinitely amazing reputation as an art critic to be sullied by a monumental misnomer like this?"

Oh I hear you, pessimistic masses. For those of you that lob this argument I have but one question to pose. If it's a fake sport, how can it be anything other than art? Lets look at the definition of art.

ART: The quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

Have you seen the grace with which these oiled and glistening men execute complex, choreographed stunts? Sometimes these ballets of brutality can stretch for upwards of a half hour. All it takes is one slip in a pool of blood, one misplaced flip off the top rope, one...double helix half-stoaked gainer press slam, that's not on mark, and the whole performance is awry. You really can't knock it until you watch it with a honest critical eye.

Let's not forget the role of the obnoxious, scantily clad female ringside "cheerleader." It's obvious that these characters are put into the production as a satire of the male-dominated culture's twisted perception of the ideal woman. Their statement is higly effective, and it's really gutsy of WWE to go out on a limb by so overtly criticizing the ignorance of their primary demographic. I'm sure many of the first time viewers go home to their wives with a fresh perspective and appreciation for their natural beauty and significance in society.

Lastly, how can anyone turn down something that involves fighting with, you guessed it; tables, ladders, and chairs. I mean...seriously. Just say that to yourself with the thought of ensuing fight in mind. TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS.
Nice isn't it?
OK, now close your eyes and imagine the deep voice of "movie announcer guy" saying it.

...

Did you feel those chills?

All in all, I think my point is clear. Wrestling is quite possibly America's #1 under-appreciated art. A thick sociopolitical agenda enriches the conciousnesses of the youth and adults alike. The deep, engrossing story line delivers true drama and comedy in a way that stage production or film could never hope to. Lastly there is the pure spectacle. Something about our inner selves is well pleased with the sight of a 300 pound man crashing through two stacked tables off a 16 foot ladder. I don't know what that something is, but it's very happy.

I suggest you all grab your remote and order the next pay-per-view special as soon as possible. You can thank me later.

Diggin that Hound Bone

Ah! The weeks come a-rollin' by already. I love this constant busy state of living, it makes things seem to move faster. You'd have to be crazy not to take a break every once in a while though. I've found a new way to take a break and I'm going to share it with you.

THE T.V.!

Ok, so maybe it's not new to you, but it is new to me. I never watch TV but now I've fallen in love with the national geographic channel, the history channel, and the discovery channel (including all it's other forms). Is that sad. But there is something else cool you should check out. Try iTunes TV store. You can get free episodes of shows and such at different times. I got the pilot of Psyche for free and now I love that show. If you haven't seen Psyche, you should. It's like a modern Sherlock Holmes with a twist. The guy has strong powers of observation but he pretends to be a psychic. Mucho's funnios.

Ok so yeah...thats about all. I'm going to be heading out to Yam's tonight for the wrestling pay per view. I've never experienced one of those so i'm sure I'll have some amusing observations to tell you later. Take it easy!

Yamsters are the New Hamsters

Sneaky Sneaky....

Remember that list I made in my last entry? Well the biggest, most daunting task for the week was really that 4 page review due yesterday so I was looking forward to it being behind me. Turns out my professor is evil and that was REALLY the secret first draft. Now that it's been work shopped I have to turn in another tomorrow. I don't' know why I'm telling you this as if it's interesting, maybe I'm just hoping it'll get the creative juices flowing.

I want my own old world style sailing ship. Yes, like a pirate ship, but I wouldn't sail the skull and cross bones. I wonder if there is anywhere in the world that still builds those ships. If I could find one I wouldn't mind paying the 4 or 5 million it would cost to build it as long as it was big enough to make my permanent residence. Think about how sweet that would be. You wouldn't actually live on land you'd just sail from port to port and do your thing. I think that would be relatively awesome. I'd also want cannons, though I'm sure the government would spoil that fun. I'd always refer to her as "she" and when on deck everyone would have to call me cap'n. Hm, I don't know what I'd name her though. Maybe you guys can help me. If anyone still reads this, post a comment on what my ships name should be.

My finger got caught in the little hole in the seat belt clip as I was taking mine off yesterday. It hurt.

A Boyd in the Hand

So...Tired...

This semester is going to drive me BATTY. In addition to some supercurricular stresses, I have WAY TOO MUCH crud to do. If you don't believe me how about we look at my week ahead:

Friday: Quiz in Theory and Practice of Editing (English class)

Over weekend and into next week: Read Euripides' Medea for Theater (quiz Monday); Editing online homework (by Monday); write a logline, outline, and plot summary IN ADDITION TO adapting a short story for film in screenwriting (due Thursday); Monkey load of reading and must write a Resume, Coversheet, and follow up letter for Technical writing; 4 page review of Bonnie and Clyde, 500 word journal entry AND monkey load of reading in Writing about Film (all due Monday, journal on wednesday as well); Monkey load of reading for History of Documentary (by Tuesday).

In addition I have a Flim club meeting Saturday at 10AM, Glen's Small Group Monday at 4, CCF large group to attend Tuesday night, Film Club main meeting Wednesday night, Film Magazine meeting to lead Thursday, CCF guys small group to lead right afterwards on Thursday, Hair to pull out next Friday!!!

(somewhere in there Caswell folks are getting together to hang out too...)

Don't think this means I don't have time for you. I do. I need you to keep me sane.

Put on Your Happy Helmet

Long weekend?

Not very much to repot, sorry. I spent the weekend away doing several different things, the most notable of which was probably my visit to David and Stephen's apartment in Raleigh. They have a very nice place and a couch that is pretty dag on comfortable. For that fact alone their apartment gets a hearty 8 on the crash-comfortOmeter.

The rest of the weekend was spent at my house, mostly. It was very good to see everyone there all as well. I'm lucky to have a family that always at least acts as if they're glad to see me. They make me feel loved.

For the trip back to Wilmington I packed up my plastic DVD rack that was store at my dad's office. It wasn't a bad deal at first but about 5 minutes into my trip on I-40 I started hearing the horrible squeaking noise. Not like a "my car has some minor defect" squeaking, it was like two styrofoam Sumo wrestlers constantly fumbling for control of my cargo area. I didn't want to stop so I just listened to my radio with squeaky accompaniment.

Do hamsters have hamstrings?

Harrison Ave.

Rainy days
Originally uploaded by The Sloan.

In case you're wondering, that is a photo of me completely saturated in Ernesto droppings. I spent the entire day in the building (save the 45 minutes just before this picture was taken that I spent walking to a class that was, as it turns out, canceled) and it's been pretty bummer-rific. We're you're left in a room all alone you pretty much have nothing to fall back on but naps, reading, homework, and thinking. I tried napping, it didn't work out for me. I picked up some Oswald chambers for a good read and got all my homework done. Of the four I'd certainly say thinking had to occupy the most of my time. That's about all I have to report. If you are curious as to what my day was like, just take a second glance at the photo. I think it sums things up pretty well.

Nah, Ernesto isn't all that bad, I'm just havin' fun and such. It's not often you get drenched by a former hurricane and live to get your picture taken right after, is it? Ok, yeah, I guess most everyone does. The long weekend ahead is going to be even longer than expected. See you in hyperspace again soon!

Am I the only one that bleeds when I floss? I don't like flossing.